The blog of D Kai Wilson-Viola

Author, advocate, designer, mental health advocate and parent. 

D is for ‘dont call me that’ – aka Donna #Mondayblogs

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  1. Yup. I had... Other stuff also happen that I try not to talk about- mostly I like to be clear…

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#AtoZChallenge 2023 badge
This entry is part 7 of 22 in the series AtoZ 2023 - The AtoZ of Me
I’m going to get right to the point with this post. My birth name isn’t Kai. Or Kaiberie. My birth name is Donna.

A name I don’t relate to

I personally believe that our name is one of the things that define us. And while I know the definition of Donna is ‘lady’ in Italian, I’ve never felt particularly ladylike. I am, in fact, the biggest tomboy moving. I’m actually quite proud of that fact, and don’t avoid hobbies just because ‘that’s not for girls’ (it comes up less now, but it was quite common, even in the gaming community until recently). I always have been. From being more interested in computers, and playing RPGs (D&D was bought for me, for the first time, when I was nine). I was a cadet; I loved being online at internet cafes, I love computer games. As I’ve grown older, though I am definitely ‘feminine’, the name Donna has really been associated with some really bad memories and some of the worst times of my life. And most importantly, it doesn’t feel like me.

So, I changed my name

I’ve been Kai since, basically separating from the father of my children. I’m very open about it not being my legal name (yet), but it *is* my preferred name. Funnily enough though, Kai and Donna, though they have some differences, are still quite interestingly linked. A little at least in my mind.

Kai in various languages

Kai has various meanings, depending on the language you’re thinking of, and while it’s considered a gender-neutral name, it’s rarer for a girl to be called it than a boy. In my case, it’s short for Kaiberie, but even at Kai, I feel the Hawaiian ‘Sea’, the Mauri ‘Food’, the Welsh ‘Keeper of Keys, or earth’ and even the Japanese ‘shell’. I feel it fits me more than the definition of Donna. But…all, even ‘warrior’ which is apparently from Frisian roots, and a short form of the name Kaimbe, kind of is with me. All of them are nurturing, kind (well, except warrior), fierce, life-sustaining and life-giving.  Much like everything that people say about women, and so while I’ve changed my name, I feel I’m still kinda true to it. Just…don’t call me Donna. (and for those of you that ask, you now know why there’s a D at the start of my pen name).

Yesterday’s Blog posts

C for CPTSD – Kaiberie.com C is for Cats – Kaiberie.com C is for Characters – BooksbyKai

Yesterday’s comments

Monty’s Blahg The Sound of one hand Typing
Series Navigation<< C is for C-PTSDE is for Edinburgh >>

2 Comments

  1. Shalini

    That is certainly very interesting. We live our entire lives with the name given to us at birth and so few of us realize that we do have the power to change it.

    Kai, if I remember correctly, was the demon god in the Kung Fu Panda series 😉

    This post reminded me so much of the worth of self- love and how liberating it is when we focus on ourselves first.

    More power to you Kai and may this name shower you with plenty of affirmations and strength.

    Reply
    • Kai

      LOL. It was, yes. It was also the name of an assassin in a TV series, Lexx, and is the name of a dog that is mentioned in passing in Ananzi Boys by Neil Gaiman.
      I believe I’m the only Kaiberie there is in the world though. I don’t use that name often though (it’s my online username almost everywhere, unless I wasn’t quick enough to grab it or I’ve lost the password to it) because I’ve… had various ways of that being spelled, so I shorten it to Kai. Also, Kaiberie is a mouthful. 😉
      Thanks for commenting!
      Kai

      Reply

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P is for Psychosis #realmentalhealth #mondayblogs #nomorestigma

This is one of my harder blog posts to write, because though I talk – a lot – about the impact my mental health has on my day to day life, and has done for a while, I’m pretty sure that this is the bit no one really understands, causes the most…misunderstanding and I hope, because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, they can’t relate to. If you didn’t know that psychosis was a feature of my mental health diagnosis, or didn’t understand if you’d heard it mentioned before now, please…don’t start changing your opinion of me. That’s the biggest reason those of us with serious mental health issues aren’t as open as society needs. Because we lose people.