One of the few things I think people are really surprised about is, even though I am quite twitchy and jumpy about other stuff, one of the few things I really love is horror. I write Horror (as Sabrann Curach, for the flat-out horror stuff at least, though a lot of my books have some sort of dystopian or otherwise ‘horror’ ish element, apparently), I read horror (favourite authors? Shaun Allan, Stephen King, Dean R Koontz, Adam Baker to name a few).
One of the few things I think people are really surprised about is, even though I am quite twitchy and jumpy about other stuff, one of the few things I really love is horror. I write Horror (as Sabrann Curach, for the flat-out horror stuff at least, though a lot of my books have some sort of dystopian or otherwise ‘horror’ ish element, apparently), I read horror (favourite authors? Shaun Allan, Stephen King, Dean R Koontz, Adam Baker to name a few), and a lot of the games I play are horror based. I love Resident Evil, and Diablo, and I’ve recently gotten into a style of game called ‘Observation horror’. One of the games (literally called Observation) is so creepy.
Why I love horror
Personally, I’ve always found the things that I’ve been scared of a little compelling. I like exploring horror movies in the safest ways, I love horror TV shows and tie-ins (like Lovecraft Country, Supernatural, The Boys and more), and I like all things zombie, funnily enough. I always have, though.
The first horror book I read, the Magic Cottage, was when I was 13. From there, I’ve always been keen to get the latest King. And when I started as an indie author, I discovered some great writers – John Dow, Adam Baker, and Shaun Allan, all of them great horror writers.
One of the major things I noticed, though, was that I was writing closer and closer to the stuff that was actually happening – not the true dystopian zombie stuff, but one of my books (I’ll be talking about it on my blog later today, as we’ve got a release date for it now), Hotel Oblivion, was so close to the things that happened in the time leading up to getting it edited, (even though the stuff we touched on was backstory, and honestly, mostly guessable, given I did it), so I stopped writing dystopia. I have three half-finished books in the Prayer for the Dammed trilogy, but I am also writing some space-based horror myself.
At the end of the day, watching and reading horror and playing games is a little relief. I don’t know if it’s good for me, but horror is one of those things that lets me have a reason to be scared but resolves at the end of it too. Not like real life, I guess, not really, but…good enough to enjoy occasionally.
How about you? What horror do you like? Do you even like horror?
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
I’m going to get right to the point with this post. My birth name isn’t Kai. Or Kaiberie.
My birth name is Donna.
A name I don’t relate to
I personally believe that our name is one of the things that define us. And while I know the definition of Donna is ‘lady’ in Italian, I’ve never felt particularly ladylike. I am, in fact, the biggest tomboy moving. I’m actually quite proud of that fact, and don’t avoid hobbies just because ‘that’s not for girls’ (it comes up less now, but it was quite common, even in the gaming community until recently).
I always have been. From being more interested in computers, and playing RPGs (D&D was bought for me, for the first time, when I was nine). I was a cadet; I loved being online at internet cafes, I love computer games.
As I’ve grown older, though I am definitely ‘feminine’, the name Donna has really been associated with some really bad memories and some of the worst times of my life. And most importantly, it doesn’t feel like me.
So, I changed my name
I’ve been Kai since, basically separating from the father of my children. I’m very open about it not being my legal name (yet), but it *is* my preferred name.
Funnily enough though, Kai and Donna, though they have some differences, are still quite interestingly linked. A little at least in my mind.
Kai in various languages
Kai has various meanings, depending on the language you’re thinking of, and while it’s considered a gender-neutral name, it’s rarer for a girl to be called it than a boy. In my case, it’s short for Kaiberie, but even at Kai, I feel the Hawaiian ‘Sea’, the Mauri ‘Food’, the Welsh ‘Keeper of Keys, or earth’ and even the Japanese ‘shell’. I feel it fits me more than the definition of Donna.
But…all, even ‘warrior’ which is apparently from Frisian roots, and a short form of the name Kaimbe, kind of is with me.
All of them are nurturing, kind (well, except warrior), fierce, life-sustaining and life-giving. Much like everything that people say about women, and so while I’ve changed my name, I feel I’m still kinda true to it.
Just…don’t call me Donna.
(and for those of you that ask, you now know why there’s a D at the start of my pen name).
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
While this isn’t a long post, I thought I’d start off by sharing an evolving post of my AtoZ posts. I’ll update them as they’re available, so that they’re available here, in a cool (I hope) little list.
The theme of this year is the “AtoZ of me”. I’m hoping I get to share the various bits and pieces that make me…well, me. So, there might be more than one post for the day. Upcoming though, and what I can tell you will be here is ‘B for books’, ‘L for Ludosport’ and ‘R for Research’ (also ‘R for RPG’).
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
I kinda feel like I’m watching a flashing cursor sometimes right now. As I said in my last post though, Tempus is talking about giving me space to do something to make me happy. And honestly? it’s been a bit of a shock. And a bit of a weird thing to start organizing.
And it’s a LOT like starting at a blinking cursor. A blank document. But it’s full of hope, if I’m honest. Blank is scary, but blank also means endless – or nearly endless – possibilities.
First tentative steps
I’m not stepping away completely from my business – after all, I’ve run a hosting company and written before. I’m also not stopping formatting books, as it makes no sense to. But I am stopping the plans I had for coaching and teaching. I’ll be running a 30 day writing challenge from the 30th September, and I’m looking at what I can do to write and set myself up.
It’s not easy choices, if I’m honest – so this week really is about consolidating and working out what to do. Pivoting back to writing isn’t as easy as going ‘yus, writing time!’. I’ve still got commitments to clients, but I don’t think I’ll be taking on new ones for a while. I want to take this opportunity – it would be entirely ungrateful to do otherwise.
Rebooting…
I do very much feel like I’m rebooting my computer inside my head though. And maybe even doing a little bit of a clean install – removing some of the stuff I don’t need right now. It isn’t the easiest of things, if I’m honest, but, I am really lucky. I’ve got this opportunity, and I don’t want to waste it. I am, thinking hard, in short.
So…what do you guys think? What should I do? I’m looking at books and trying to decide what to write, but for now, I’ll be working on my backlist and thinking.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
Fantasy has a special place in my heart – I’ve always read it. My first full length book that I read as a child was The Hobbit (or it might have been ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’), but, until recently, my fantasy writing mostly was ‘actual play’ or other stuff like that. Today, I’m kicking off a new free reader magnet. Those of you that have been around me a while might recognise Shula, Adana and Tavar/Taern. If you don’t, I’ll love to introduce you to them, and what better way than a reader magnet?
When Shula and Adana are sent to bring back the newly inducted Inari from the Temple of Fire and Fall, they’re unsure whether Taern and Halvar will be happy with the temple their sister has been inducted into. Whether the Fire or Fall temple, one of the boys will be unhappy – and with that, Inari may become outcast. And as the Isle of Fire and Fall does not welcome mages, familiars or mercenaries, so collecting her might be interesting…
A free introduction to the worlds Shula (A House at War) and Adana (Cry Wolf/One Shot), inhabit, coming soon!
And after?
The Firemaids’ Temple happens after the events of House at War, but before Cry Wolf, One Shot and Kingdom of the Phoenix (if these don’t look familiar, join my reader group!) so I’ve got a huge, sprawling fantasy setting coming up. Plus…some cool short stories, which I’ll just tease with covers 😉
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
I’ve spent the last year trying to think about how to explain the basic changes I’ve gone through in the last two years. And one of the major things that I’ve been thinking about is gratitude, and ‘dancing in the rain’.
What is dancing in the rain?
For me, it’s a core concept to living with what I do. It’s accepting that I’m not always going to be happy, that the skies aren’t always going to be ‘clear’ but even if they aren’t, I can go outside and ‘dance in the rain’.
It’s a gratitute attitude, I guess.
Dancing in the rain is also the name of an essay that I wrote for ‘Miles to go before I sleep…’, which I’m sharing below. If you like it, please hit the link to sign up for an email when the book goes on Pre-order 🙂
Dancing in the rain from ‘Miles to go before I sleep…’
There’s a gratitude attitude, A way to look at the things you face. It’s not a way to ignore or negate pain, but, instead, a way to move forward. I’ve called it dancing between thunder and lighting, or dancing in the rain. Each step I make towards feeling better, each step towards feeling the way I do, and focussing on the best in my life that I can.
It’s also about crying in my own tears, and keeping my head up, my shoulders back, and trying to remain calm, cool and collected. And I do that, a lot.
When I started writing this book, it was long before I started with Ludosport, and it’s something I keep in mind now, a lot, because I’ve discovered that I’m not doing well with some of the things I’m challenged to do at practice. But I’ve learned how to so many things in the last two years, and I’m sure that with the support of my Academy (shameless plug for them!) that I’ll be in a much better place. From making some amazing friends to learning to dance – properly (cause you need to be pretty coordinated to duel with a lightsaber), dancing in the rain is a whole gratitude attitude that I’ve chosen to adopt. And I’m happy that I can feel that way now. I’m not sure I could have two years or more ago.
So, while Dancing in the rain sounds sad, and kinda miserable, it’s not. It’s about making the most of what’s around me and having a lot of fun, even when I am sad. Even when the ‘rain’ is my tears. Even when I’m being drowned in a torrent of sadness.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
That sounds like so much fun! I love games, especially RPG. Haven't played with a group in a few years.…