Once again, I’m doing a couple of AtoZ challenges.
(and I’ve not always completed them, but this year, I’m actually excited for it!
This year, I’ll be doing the AtoZ of my books on Booksbykai, while over here, I’ll be doing the AtoZ of me, and trying to find a few new things to surprise people with that they may not already know about me, or didn’t realise that’s what I meant. Of course, there will be information about Ludosport and music, and mental health, and writing, and other stuff, but I hope there will be some stuff that people don’t know about, and maybe…enjoy and get to know me more.
I’ll be writing a lot of it in my office, and I already know that I’ll be doing at least a couple of live videos to go with them. I’m excited for this. And I’ll be doing Camp Nanowrimo too, though the 2023 announce for *that* is coming later this week!
If you’d like a roundup of both, or are joining in, I’d love to hear from you. Roundups of both will be on my newest site, where I’m trying to pull everything down into a little series of boxes and easy to see what I’m up to. The Kai-DIgest (or Kaigest) will be available from April 1st, but if you’d like to sign up before then, we have a nice little Substack segment on my main newsletter.
If you’re doing the AtoZ this year, comment below, let me know. I’ll be sharing a list of all my visitors before and after the AtoZ this year, and I’m looking forward to making lots of new friends and finding lots of amazing blogs to add to my new reader system!
I’ve spent the last few months trying to work out what I’m going to do with myself. I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but the plan at the beginning of the year was to release 52 books this year. And when I said it, I was sincere, and I still am. But, had I known then what I know now….
I might have set the bar a little bit lower.
I wanted though to touch base. It’s been a busy first couple of months, and I’ve got several pieces of news. Firstly, the books are on track. I’ve got several draft books that I’ll be working on the proof copies of each. I’ve currently got three proof books to work through, all of which so I can release them as paperbacks. I’ve also finished Run Girl, Run, as a book, so will be establishing the site really soon and doing occasional updates there too. That site really is going to be designed around how I’m rebuilding my health ad life to manage my mental health, with the help of my hobbies and some other stuff. I want to talk about everything that goes into prepping for that book too.
Beyond that, I’m looking forward to everything that I’m working on and writing – mostly because I’ve got my new writing space! I shared a video on my Facebook, which I’ve attached here, but I’ll be setting more and more up – we’re talking about getting some bonsai trees for the desk for me too, so that’s going to be wonderful.
Books coming up
So, I’m excited to announce the next set of books that I’ve got coming out. These aren’t all of them, and the backlist books aren’t a specific date.
Memento Mori – proofing
Glass block – print proofing
10 hour Marketing Plan – proofing
12×12 – free book, social media support tutorials.
The Vivarium – a free story set in Darkness PD
A House at War has been postponed
Starfall’s Edge – by the end of the month
The Endless lake (Starfall’s Edge book 2) March 13th
Of all the books though, I’ve already got Cry Havoc up and out. If it’s not linked, please check out BooksbyKai, there will be news on there, or the newsletter.
Alongside all of this, I’m studying, I’m improving my my mindset and more. But with the new space I have, I think I can do it all. I know I can. I’ll still be hosting and working on formatting and more still, but I’m slowly shifting to doing more stuff.
And then there’s the new stuff.
I’ve been asked to really focus on some stuff that I wanted to do, or I’ve been challenged to do. So I’ll be writing about that next, on Thursday, on BooksbyKai. BooksbyKai is also where AuthorInterrupted now lives, so if you’ve been looking for those old posts recently, it’s there.
It’s been a weird week at Casa Wilson-Viola. It started on Monday morning, waking up with THE worst cold, and wanting to get so much done, and then….getting a call about my blood tests from the Friday before. Turns out I’m incredibly anemic again, so I was right about that. And while that wasn’t a surprise, what came next kinda did.
I don’t know enough about anemia to actually talk about it properly, I just know what I know. And what I think might be going on, but I’m still waiting for some outstanding blood tests. That was why what came next was a bit…’what?’. So. I’m not just one type of anemic, I’m two. It could be that I’m actually only one, but I’ve got one version that’s different from the last time, that causes the second one, or if I’m actually two. So. Monday was the ‘omg, your iron count is really low’ anemia conversation. The last time I had it, I was two points lower than I am now, and went for infusions in January 2022. So, tests were arranged for once I shifted my cold, and that was that. Tuesday though, I got a text asking me to pick up some supplements from my pharmacy. I didn’t really get to talk to the doctor this time, but when I read ‘B12 and folate deficiency’, I started researching. Mostly because I wanted to work out what was ‘different’ this time, and whether it also explained the reason I asked (turns out, it doesn’t). I’ll talk about that a bit later, cause this week has been a bit of a pivot for me, without actually changing the general plans I had. You can be one type of anemic without the other, but this time I’m both. I’m unsure where that leaves me, and won’t know till I talk to my doctor about the tests and what my next steps are. For now, though, I wanted to share the after…
This week has been a perspective change…
I was talking to a friend about the things I was changing to get ‘better’, which added time to my day that I’d been clearing down for writing, but she raised something that led me to the idea that I wanted to share.
I’d been talking about how it kinda made sense that my motivation wasn’t there, why I was foggy and tired all the time, and I said that before, I’d have laid down and postponed stuff. Given in for now. But, the last week was basically ‘ok, so what do I do?’. Part of it is deciding that happiness is something I work for. Another part is that giving in…it’s not something I want to keep doing, and honestly? I can stay in bed and write. So, that’s where happiness is and isn’t something we earn comes from with me. Happiness is something you can work towards, by achieving goals, and it’s the type I’m cussed on right now I guess, but you can also stumble into it too.
Especially if your balance is anything like mine right now.
This week is a big one for me – I’ve got books to announce, projects to signpost and more, so don’t be surprised if there’s more posts than usual appearing, and if you’ve got questions about the dietary stuff, hold them? I’m writing that up next 😉
I’m in a bit of an odd, vulnerable place right not. And it’s been going on for about three months. Because I literally started writing this post in June of this year. And stopped.
I don’t know how to put into words how hard the last few months have been, if I’m honest. It’s been a rollercoaster of trying to work out what to do and how to do it, and if I’m entirely honest, it’s been painful and unpleasant and just not fun. A lot of it too has to do with stuff not really in my control. I am disabled and care for someone disabled, and the last few years have seen that ‘commitment’ as it were, rise and rise. The more time I put into getting better, it seems the more time I need.
In June, things really started to slip. I wasn’t in a fully regular routine and with summer just around the corner, all my grand plans for getting help and getting stuff done(TM) were shattered when various things happened. Fast forward three months, last week, and everything just… collapsed in a spectacular fashion.
There is a light at the end of that tunnel
This week, we’ve had a house full of sick people – my beloved caught Covid (he dodged it, somehow when we had it, but we think we picked it up at Alton Towers as a few days after our day there, he was so ill that, completely unlike him, he took to bed for most of the day from Saturday till this morning. He’s much better now, to my intense relief), and we’re slowly sliding back into a routine of sorts. But on Tuesday, after he’d thought about stuff I’d been saying I guess, he told me that he wants me to just focus on writing for a bit. To stop trying to fight against ‘the tide’ because though I was trying something big and bold, the public encouragement was there, but in private, more people wanted ‘a free slot if everyone else was paying’ than the people actually choosing to engage with the plans themselves. Months of work on designing a coaching project aside, the discouragement I felt – and if I’m honest still feel – became so palpable, that I … I spiraled completely.
My beloved to the rescue…!
Tuesday night, I’d had a rough day (plague house, shingles break out for me, cold-sores starting, the works), and I went up to bed and I said to him ‘I can’t do it’ and he said ‘k. Tell me what’s in your way?’ And I told him. About how people want to do it but don’t seem to be signing up, about how it feels like the wrong time to be asking people to commit to coaching in this environment, how most of all, it’s not easy to teach people mindfulness, abundance and accountability when I’m not a reflection of it myself. He went very quiet and said.
“I think it’s because you’re not writing. How about you stop and do that for a bit.” I told him that the business wouldn’t survive if I didn’t get this to work, and he said “We’ll make it work. Trust me.” And that was it.
I’m not saying it’s not going to be painful, but, he’s right. I wished for a way to afford to write again, and it’s not the one I’d have chosen, but I am grateful that he’s willing to back me until I’ve got that bit of my life square again.
It’s still taken a couple of days to write this. I’m still dealing with a shame spiral I CANNOT fathom, because I feel like, once again, I’m letting people down. But at the same time, I’m actually willing to look at my laptop again. I’m sad because I won’t get to earn my Remarkable the way I wanted to, but…I don’t need one to write. There’s a lightness of heart to go with the ‘oh, I don’t like this’ failure feeling.
So….yeah…that’s been my last three months. What about you guys?
(actually, one notable exception. Ludosport. I’ll talk about that next blog post).
21 years ago today, I was in intensive care. Concious, and actually, in good shape, just waiting for a transfusion. My daughter – who is also 21 today – had been delivered an hour or two before – and they’d nicked her placenta, and that created quite a serious bleed for me. I apparently lost over a litre of blood. Probably a good thing I was distracted with the baby girl I’d just had, huh?
21 years on though, I have a beautiful daughter, an amazing son, a good life. A great one in fact. But I still struggling sometimes. and lately, it’s been one of those periods of painful growth.
I’ve got a heart of glass
It’s often said in fact, I’m ‘soft’. I’ll give in easily when people ask me for things, though it’s very much a CPTSD/people pleasing thing. It is in fact why they’ve asked me to write a book about it. People pleasing is a major problem with people with most mental health issues, IMO, but I guess one of the issues I have with people pleasing is when you don’t keep doing it, others turn you into the bully, the villain. In my experience, instead of being thanked for supporting people as far as I have, I’m the ‘bad guy’ because they feel they can’t do what they want to do, but don’t want to acknowledge that they’re getting the help. And after a while, it leaves you feeling like saying no will leave you with a heart in shards, when they get upset about it and ‘fight back’.
The thing is, I’ve also got a really thick skin too – for criticism at least of my professional work. It’s an odd thing to think about, I guess, but it’s important to bear in mind that people like me – that work with other creatives, and support them as best they can – that give to the community – when they’re criticized for not continuing to do so because their boundaries are really difficult to work with and ensure that things are…stable, safe. And when referring to safe with boundaries, it’s something really important. Because honestly? We don’t handle boundaries well when we people please. And for me at least, it means my heart ‘breaks’ but bounces back of my thick skin, so the only person that really gets hurt…in my experience anyway…is me.
And that’s completely at odds with my ‘gratitude attitude’ (I’ll explain why I hate that one later) and trying to be happy and settled and….good. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts (kind ones please, I’ve got enough wounds right now, mostly self-inflicted. Right now, it’s holding course, it’s remembering that this is hard to deal with, that it’s NOT ME if I really need to fix my boundaries.
Firstly, I’ve redesigned my blog. I’d love to hear what people think of it, and if you’d like to see anything. I’ll be connecting up more of my blogs as time goes on, but for the time being, and I’d love it if you sign up to my newsletter.
I’m also delighted to announce that on Friday, I’ll be relaunching Glass Block!
When Big Brother fell out of popularity in the early part of the 21st century it was replaced with ever more ‘realistic’ reality TV shows, till the need for this was replaced with a need for fantasy. In an attempt to resurrect the old format some die-hard fans filmed themselves locked in with a recently released murderer. The person to get out got the money from the stream sales at the end. Needless to say, they were slaughtered.
Word of this spread on the internet and a ‘sanctioned’ version by the UCPS (United Coalition of Prison Services) was established. Brought in from Darkness, one of the cities providing most of the prisoners, most of which he’d been responsible for collaring, Elliot Peters is forced into a nightmare world where the walls are made of glass and people vote as to whether you survive.
Glass Block is the start of a series of sci-fi books. Check back on Friday and I’ll share the link!
And coming up next….
There’s more on the horizon for me, but for now, I’m really happy with my site and my book! How’s everyone else doing?
Looking forward to those recipes.