The blog of D Kai Wilson-Viola

Author, advocate, designer, mental health advocate and parent. 

A little known fact about me – I’m really quite shy

A little known fact about me – I’m really quite shy

Santiago Maggi Book Signing

Image by miamism via Flickr

*updated May 2011*

Semi-public figure (author) and shy really don’t sit well in the same sentence with me. And though I know what I’m talking about, can confidently answer questions about everything from Forensic Linguistics to WordPress, I’m really quite shy.
There’s a myriad of reasons for it – to the point that I’ve got a biohazard tattoo as a bit of tongue in cheek fun about something very serious. I have a huge problem with my self-image.
Massive in fact.

That’s the first part of ‘me’ I hate – I’m a size 18 (UK), which to me, is about as overweight as I’m going to let myself get – I’m not happy about it by a long shot.   I know other people have other barriers, and I ‘carry it very well’ (according to my beloved anyway) but I hate being overweight. I’m 5’5 or there abouts, so a size 18 is about a 40 round my waist, and more at my ample bust line, and lets not even talk about my butt…..

It goes deeper than that though – I’ve always hated the ‘me’ that stares back from the mirror at me. I struggle to understand why people like me, and am flabbergasted that my fiancée is still with me after nearly seven years of craziness. I have two beautiful children (we’re talking model level for my son and Hannah Montana lookalike for my daughter (just without the wigs and the odd teeth)) but I’m anything but pretty. People tell me I am, and though I’m aware arguing with them seems false and like I’m looking for compliments, I’ve always believed, always *will* believe that I’m adequate, average, plain and happy to remain that way.  I’ve even got a tattoo that sums it up – a biohazard symbol on the base of my spine.
So yeah, I’m shy – and it’s one of the things I’d like to change in the near future.  Writing isn’t the easiest thing to do when you’re shy – but the internet kinda helps.

One of the best things about the internet is I can do lots of my promotion online – when I’m talking about writing, I can do it online – or at a push, I can take part in teleconferencing.  What I can’t currently do is stand up in front of people – there’s an open mic night at a pub local to the University that scared the living daylights out of me – to the degree that I haven’t ever been back.  I’m not sure how I’m going to handle stuff like that in the future – it’s possible that I’ll just play the ‘shy recluse’ author, but at the same time, I’d really love to be brave enough to meet people who are reading my books.
It’s a long way off, but it’s one of the things that make me hesitate to keep pushing forwards with my books.  I’m pretty certain one of my posts in the next week over at Writer’s Bookshelf is going to be about ‘fear’, but I’m curious about other writers and how they handle being shy.
Edit – I finally put up a photo of me online smiling and looking directly at the camera – it’s a big step.

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out in August.

This post is part of a series for

Honestly?  I’m feeling kinda overwhelmed right now

Honestly? I’m feeling kinda overwhelmed right now

Quill Pen

Image via Wikipedia

Today is the first day of the ‘blogging challenge‘ that’s run by a wonderful woman that I encountered about…errr…I think it’s been five years ago now, called Cricket Walker (she teaches SEO on Yahoo and is an amazing resource – share the love, k?).  And I was all for the whole thing – I mean, how difficult can writing a blog a day for 30 days be?

And I don’t like to be negative, but I AM being realistic – 30 days of blog posts, on a blog that was long since fragmented from what it used to be – a special needs daughter, a son who will start high school soon – a small business in the UK and another one in the process of being designed and set up (one is copywriting and webdesign, the other is my ‘publishing’ stuff) to go along with the book that’s due with my editors in June.  And I’m a full time Uni student.

And THEN – I had to decide what I was doing with this place.  But I have a cunning plan.
I’m going to blog here every day – but I’m also going to post to other blogs, and run the information on them as asides (which means new template for this place, woohooo!).  As for what I’m going to talk about….I have NO clue.  I’m going to wing it.

And because I’m taking part in the blog challenge that I just mentioned, to introduce myself breifly.  I’m Kai.  I’m infamous in some circles – usually amongst writers it has to be said.  There’s no ‘nutshell’ for me – I’m bipolar, a writer, head injured, a student, a photographer, I design perfume and soaps with aromatherapy products built in, I knit, I sew….I’m getting married in the next few years….there’s so much going on in my life that I couldn’t sum it up in a couple of breaths even if I tried.  I’d make a horrible elevator pitch 😉  So instead I’ll just say ‘hi!!!’ and I hope that I’ll be able to work through the whole problem that causes the ‘non roundup’ and do a proper summation before the end of the 30 days 😉

Blogging for the 30 day blog challenge – you can too!

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