by Kai | Apr 3, 2013 | Novels, A to Z Challenge 2013, Reading and Reviewing, Writing, writing habit, writing well, Books
Well…B is for a lot of things actually. I’ll be doing ‘B is for Books’ over at AlexandriaPublishingGroup later today, but for now I wanted to touch on the books, and some other stuff that B is for.
In our house, B is for something we just can’t have yet. Not because we can’t afford it, or because we don’t want one – in fact, as long as I remain fairly successful as a freelancer, money really isn’t a problem, neither will be taking maternity leave.
And there, with that one word, you’ll know that I’m talking about babies. I’ll be doing a full post on it in ‘I is for infertility’, but I prefer the sound of babies to ‘infertility’, so there you go.
As I’m talking about this on my mostly personal blog, I’m going to say only this – it’s been one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with in our relationship, so when Kushka died earlier last month, I think it just all got to me – not that I’d have grieved less if we’d had a baby – but she WAS our baby in many ways. And yep, we’ve got a pair of kitten(ish) cats now, who are slowly settling right in, but I’d still give anything to have my girl back. Even though I love the two new ones, Kush really was one in a billion.
But, we move on. Humans perceive time in odd ways – and I still cry looking at the photos, but there’s two new bundles of fun to snuggle, and I’m sure, given how spoiled and loved they are, adding a baby to that mix, if we ever manage it is going to be fine.
So, I can’t have babies right now – it’s not the end of the world, right? Well, no, actually in some ways it really is. I feel like a failure – not that we can’t conceive (oh, look, c is for knocked up), but because we can. My body just has a conniption, gives me all of the fun stuff that early pregnancy has – exhaustion, nausea, throwing up, peeing like there’s no tomorrow, then, after about a week, if I’m lucky, I lose it.
If that weren’t traumatic enough, it’s my other half’s first baby. I have two children from a previous relationship, but wouldn’t you know, I’ve been in this one for nine years (twice as long as my relationship with the father of my children).
And also for…
B is also for Iain Banks – he and Dan Abbnett told me (separately, but in the same month) that if I didn’t write, it would be a crime, or sentiments to that effect – having lost several greats this year already (James Herbert, Dave Silva and Rick Hautala) I’m really beginning to feel like I should be publishing, and be dammed with the rest of the stuff that occupies my life. I was 17 when they told me, half a lifetime ago.
B is for Bah.
My favorite word this month – Camp Nanowrimo is upon us. You might want to hop on over to Author interrupted to find out about that one.
B is for bombtastic
Bit of a spoiler here, sorry guys, but after Glass Block launches (I hope on Friday), there will be some A-Z challenge posts appearing on DarknessPD. Items like E is for Elliot, M is for Morrigan, C is for Clones and B is for…well….bomb blasts.
🙂 Ain’t I a stinker?
B is for Blogging
I’ve been asked what it is about me and blogs. I guess I’m not very good at explaining that, but I love keeping blogs. I mean…almost as much as I love reading and writing. I’m trying to rework my blogs though, so that they’re more regularly updated – alongside B is for Blogs, be is also for Bi-polarbears, the mental health advocate site I run which was 10 last month.
And finally….
B is for Books. I love books. Almost as much as I love my cats. I’m an avid reader – I’ve got a lovely Kindle, and an Ipad so I can read no matter what, and it’s something I really miss. I was going to start a film review blog later in the month, but i may add recommended book reviews to that too. Not that I’ll review books, but that I’ll recommend books with a review, on my terms :).
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
by Kai | Nov 2, 2011 | linguistics, National Novel Writing Month, Writing, writing well, Novels, and more, Reading and Reviewing, Language
We interrupt your regularly scheduled fluff for a bit of a rant. And I wouldn’t be doing this during Nanowrimo season, but it *really* needs to be said.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘Dystopolitics’. And my idea of Dystopolitics is actually linked to my own books, but it goes beyond that. The politics of dystopia, right now, is pretty much looking at stuff like ‘A Handmaid’s tale’ and going, oooh, we’ll make sure our political views never get that radical.
And you know, the politics of dystopia. The radicalness….it’s seeping into everything going on around us. I’m days from a graduation ceremony I never though I’d make. I’m getting a 2:1 and I couldn’t be happier. But I’ve found myself in a community of radicals that many refer to as entitled, and I just look at and think ‘You’d be so much happier if the world wasn’t actually democracy, because that’s what you’re campaigning for.’. And you know, that cuold be a horrible thing to think about people, but when they say what I’ve heard lately, I think you’d question whether then understand free speech, a scale of awards, and the rights of others….let me give you an example….
I’ve been reading a lot of ‘I don’t need to worry about grammar and editing, all that matters is I’m writing’ or ‘you’re jealous because your book isn’t out yet’, or ‘would YOU accept a C from your kids if they came home with it on the report? Then why accept a three star review?’.
All of this has kicked off since I started working as an editor – and a lot of it comes out when people discover that it’s going to cost money to edit their books.
There’s two insidious lies I’d like to address today. It’s getting a bit dystopolitical in here if I’m honest. As in, this is the politics of dystopia. The politics of not doing what we’re actually experincing. And that’s wrong.
First – Editing and grammar ain’t important. O’rhyleah? (sorry, been looking at lots of Lolthulu lately). Seriously? Would I have gotten away with that in a very post ironic way on my degree, or, would my tutor have kicked me from here to next week about run on sentences, and the occasional tense mistake? I think I’d have been kicked. I know I would have been – in fact, I was.
So, while I don’t agree with the idea that we need to be locked to rules (and I’ll talk about that more a bit later) if you’re not at least flirting with the acceptance that mistakes aren’t acceptable, then you’re not a professional writer.
There – I said it – it’s not the idea that you can’t afford to hire an editor that doesn’t make you a professional writer – it’s the idea that you can excuse your behavior by HIDING BEHIND not being able to afford a professional editor.
Can’t afford an editor? – I’m writing a book, and I teach classes – check them out.
The other insidious lie is that we’re not all on the same side as writers and readers. And while that’s true, in some cases (you can’t be ‘on the same side’ if you’re buying something from someone), when it comes to literature, readers and writers ARE on the same side. We all want good literature, and the best stories.
So – there’s a second element to all of this:
If you are charging for your work, you have an obligation – a paid service provision – to be professional.
Again, I said it. If you’re going to publish your work – and people are paying you – for heavens sake, act like a professional. That goes beyond the presentation of your work, but in the end, that’s all that matters to your reader.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
by Kai | Oct 5, 2011 | living with bipolar, Mental health, Reading and Reviewing, Free for all, Language, Personality, things you don't know about me, Writing, Books
Cricket asked this and at first, I thought, ah, well, that’s easy.
I’m tech support. I’m a writer. I’m an extremely clever woman. I’m a graduate of Creative Writing.
I’m a mother. I’m the woman that’s dating one of the most amazing men in the world, bar none. I’m close friend to people that I can’t mention by name, because my privacy and theirs is worth more than the street cred it might get me.
But that’s all very ‘external’ and perception based.
So, I tried to go a little deeper. My name isn’t Kai, but it’s what everyone bar my family and a very few friends call me. My last name also isn’t Viola – yet. It’s not that we don’t intend to get married, it’s just that the practicality and expense of it all – it’s not only overwhelming, it’s so huge that I just can’t look at it. At all.
I’m nearly 33. Mother to two wonderful children here with me and one that had a name that passed over at ten weeks pregnant. Empty shell right now, because I can’t, for the life of me get and remain pregnant, and I’ll be honest, it’s on my mind a lot.
And that leads to thoughts of failure and loss. And I’m that too. I failed to do what was expected of me – many times. Hindsight being what it is, I know now that some of my difficulties are trying to function as ‘normal’ when I’m anything but. I’m an extraordinary woman, not least because I have bipolar disorder. It’s not just a disorder though, it’s shaped my whole perspective, personality and way of life. I have a fair idea what the day is going to bring when I wake up, but there’s always that rogue chance I’ll be off cycle, and anxiety, which I always pretty much accepted as background noise is something that’s slowly becoming less like a sly whisper in the back of my head and a shout that drowns out everything *out there*. And I know some of that is to do with my thought pattern.
Ans the language I use, which is something else that I am. I am a language Geek. Capital G. I love linguistics and have found my favourite field in linguistics to study, if only I could find the money to do it.
Some of the reason I failed though was fear. Whether I accept I’m paralysed by it, or have a world to create around it, shielding myself from the things that make me feel that way remains to be seen, but what I do know right now is that I dislike it. A lot. I’m afraid of everything.
Afraid people will see through me and realise I’m a fraud.
Afraid that people will find that out, and tell others.
Afraid that what I’m doing is somehow *not enough* and that when it comes down to it, my life will be a series of moments that I missed.
It’s still external and tied to an event though. And if that’s all I am, a series of events, doesn’t that make me a series of moments, and though I can’t say that the good always outweigh the bad on a year to year basis, there are more neutral to good days in our house. So, doesn’t that make me mostly neutral good? (Or lawful-neutral for our gaming readers ;)) But that’s not me either. Because those moments, even if they were instigated, orchestrated and meticulously recorded by only me, are still external.
Who am I?
I’m Kai. I’m not perfect, and I know that deep inside of me there’s a crack that I skillfully and artfully make people ignore,much like the hole in Amelia Pond’s wall. I am a geek, and the carrier of worlds that, lets me fair, only currently exist in a very warped mind, bundled up in fair, freckled skin, vibrant red hair, and a body that ends up in corsets a lot less regularly than I’d wish for. I’m NOT famous, and doing my level best to keep it that way, but I am a writer and artist. A good one if my degree is to be believed, and those that have pried my stories off of my hard drive can tell.
I leave a legacy in my kids of an amazing pair of children, with strong personalities – a legacy I currently get to enjoy each and every day, so I’m a shaper of the future, no matter how transient that influence, and I’m a good friend, who goes out of her way to do what she can to help, protect and support those she cares about, though, I fail quite often at that too.
I’m learning. I’m Kai.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
by Kai | Sep 25, 2011 | Gaming and hobbies, Language, linguistics, Announcements, Reading and Reviewing, coding, Design
Something that I don’t think is very evident from my writing is that I’m very music oriented. If I can get away with it, no matter where I am, in the house, or out and about there’s either music, an audiobook, or crime programs on in the background somewhere. Music starts my morning, and audiobooks, or more rarely now, TV shows finish out my day. I’m constantly somewhere where there is noise. To the point that if I ever end up catastrophically brain damaged or otherwise unable to instruct it myself, or am in a coma, I’ve got it written into my living will (kinda sad that I’ve got one at 32, but the books go one way before a certain point in my life, and the rest belong to my other half, to do with as he pleases, and the kids need to be taken care of too) that there is always to be music wherever I am, even if it’s only just loud enough to be heard by me. Even if it means bringing my phone and speakers into the hospital.
But, unless you knew an old incarnation of this blog, you wouldn’t know that – I used to open out posts with the music that was influencing me – either a lyric, or a song title. I’m going to start that again, because this blog, and to a lesser degree Kai-q is going to be about me. All of me.
Which means this blog is going to get a bit frenetic for a while 😉 I’m difficult to define at the best of times, without actually looking at what I get up to, or even, what’s on my desk, my Kindle, my Goodreads list, my camera, my phone… I am a complicated, complex, multiple type geek, and probably very rarely, I’m a multiple type geek that has several strong focusses.
Basically – what you think you know about me – it’s probably mostly true, but there’s probably more to me than most people realise. And more than I’ll ever probably be able to express.
One of the things I do know right now is I’ve got a plan – finally. I’ve also got a very clean workspace, and the freedom to actually work for myself now. Totally and utterly, I’m free now, and that’s a good thing.
As for the title – the blog was hacked this weekend – and had we not already been keeping a vague eye on the site anyway, I think that this could have been a lot worse than it was. I’m still working on cleaning the residual issues that I’ve been left with, but most of them were temporary. The reason – the main reason, I took the blog offline is because I couldn’t apply the fix while people were trying to access parts of the site. So, we put the temporary redirect up, fixed the blog, voila ;). Well, kinda, cause I’ve not finished the blog design yet, so for now it’s a bit bland…
The psycho killers thing – well, that means one of my characters has decided to stop being such a huffy little pain in the ass and is talking to me again – his two favorite bands happen to be Talking Heads and Nickelback, though he’s taken a shine to Mazzy Star lately too. Mostly I’m just glad Elliot is back from wherever he vanished off to. I’ve still got yet more planning to do, to the point of paralysis, but I’m finally in a place where I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel – and apparently on my keyboard. It does mean less time downstairs vegging with my other half at night for a while, but I think, if I can make it work, it’ll be more than worth it.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
by Kai | Sep 22, 2011 | Announcements, Reading and Reviewing, diet and lifestyle, Fiction, Language, Other sites, Writing, News
We are, to all intents and purposes, one month after ‘the Watershed‘
And there’s a couple of things that have changed since then – some for the better, some in a different way and with no impact. One for the worse.
As the last post explained, I finally graduated. What the last post barely touches on is why it’s taken so long to get to that point. And, y’know, I wish I could point at everything I’ve been up to recently and say ‘see, good reason’, but the truth is, the reason, though, probably, a valid one, isn’t a ‘good’ one by any stretch of the imagination. Focusing on the positive though – I graduated. I’m delighted that I graduated. I’m trying to decide if I want to go to the ceremony where our degrees are officially conferred – right now it’s looking at least an option.
Other improvements include taking on better paying work, in some cases. I *love* copywriting – but what I don’t love is the fact that I’m basically at the mercy of clients. Most are darlings – but some leave a lot to be desired. And when I’m having to be draconian about billing practices, I know something has gone wrong. And that’s the problem – there’s no give in my billing. And for those that know why, don’t even say it in public – it’s not necessary. I’ve taken steps to remedy that, in the form of http://indieunbound.com 🙂 I’m now officially and formally an editor as well as a copywriter, using my experience as a writer and graduate to support indie writers in creating a product that works for them – and the market. It’s good, and in the last few days, I’ve already managed to book clients till our holiday in October, which is just stellar.
Other than that, I’m working on finishing up my websites and setting up regular spots for blogging, fixing my timetable to balance stuff (though, I’m slowly coming to the realisation I can either have a quiet life OR work really hard – there’s no doubling up and earning both) and slowly resolving everything that needs to be resolved.
The negative? other than a couple of outlines, I’m still not writing. And that sucks. But I think I have a solution to that too – one, that if I can keep up with the editing client bookings, will give me the best of all worlds and allow me to be the last piece of the puzzle that is me. I have to find my way back to fiction writing, or there’s no point in freelancing the way I do. I could, instead use my degree on something else, and let go of the idea of being an author – and to be honest, that all or nothing decision makes me more worried than any other choice I could ever make.
I guess the last thing I need to talk about is ‘what’s next’? I already miss university desperately – I’ve never felt more at ease in an establishment in my life, and I want to go back to that at some point. So, realistically, some of the money I make editing and writing is going back into ‘me’, and in turn, making me a better writer and editor, via my MA plans. Ideally, I’d like to do linguistics of some kind, rather than a wholly creative project, but ultimately, I guess I’ll need to see what is available to me, and how long it’ll take me to save for it. For now, all of my energy is going into clearing up the last of the server costs I was left with, sorting out new hosting for that secondary account, and building a buffer of savings for my family. Editing and copywriting together are a good combination, especially if I can keep streamlining my time and using it to the best effect.
Now though? Work beacons. Laters 😉
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
by Kai | Oct 23, 2010 | Announcements, Reading and Reviewing, Nanowrimo 10, site stuff, The Art of...., Writing, writing habit, Nanowrimo, Novels, A day in the life 2010
Ok, I know, I’m supposed to blog more than once a week, once a month, once in a blue moon, but it’s been kinda hectic lately. I’m still getting used to lots of things, but basically, since my last posting, I’ve sorted out my gap year funding for Uni, have handed in several essays to support my gap year, then even started back to my +1 year.
It’s been mad here – the youngest has changed schools – again – to a specialist unit. The eldest tried out for grammar school. My partner still loves his job, I founded an entirely new company, doing the same stuff (writing!), and for the first time in my life, came off incapacity benifit. I’ll probably talk more about that whole fun experience later (and I mean fun in the exciting sense, not the sarcastic :D)
Other than that – I’m still slowly expanding my library of ‘I wrote this, I really should share’. Slo-o-o-w-l-y, but faithful readers will know that this is the time of year that this changes.
Yep – it’s NANO time! Woooohoooo!
I’m so excited. So there should be more posts, from this blog and others about how cool things are going to get.
It’s good – great – to be back.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
Looking forward to those recipes.