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Category: Health

Depression

I’ve been on about three false starts for this post, this week. And I’ve tried to write and explain this feeling… this weight for years.It’s odd. I’m a writer. I should be able to explain this. But I’m depressed. It’s a hard time to write in the first place, and then, to write about how sad I am… I guess it makes sense that it’s hard to deal with. Depression just is Believe it or not…this is one of the millions of faces of depression. And it’s mine. That’s me on Saturday, after The UK Games Expo. My daughter and…

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Trying, failing, trying again

After my last post, Is it Though?, I’ve been trying to… plot and plan and think through what to do next.I did mention that I punctuate the phrase ‘if at first you don’t succeed. Try. Try again’, and I got feedback from people asking what I meant by that. So. I thought I’d explain that.And maybe show off some new stuff at the end of the post 😉 If at first you don’t succeed. Try. Try again One of the things that my wonderful psych team (Dr C and MW, my psych nurse) who I was discharged from at the…

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Back to basics

I always kinda feel like I’m talking about bootcamp when I say that, but, when things start feeling less pleasant and I my mood is less stable, I start thinking about needing to get back to my ‘basics’ plan. A history Waaaaay back before I had to be discharged from the mental health team locally and was granted the right to see a therapist in the county opposite, one of the things they put me on was a DBT course. It was ostensably because they kept arguing I had EUPD, and EUPD is primarily treated with behaviour modification and management,…

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Is it though? Thoughts on #failure

If at first, you don’t succeed, try. Try again. English Truism/cliché (sidenote, I always thought the punctuation on that saying was pretty fluid. It actually reads more like a poem when I write it, cause I’ve always put the commas and full stops in there. Weird that my version actually talks about failing at least twice too. I’ll get to that later) Failure – a loaded word The last few weeks have been really…weird for me. I *started* making strides on becoming happier, healthier and more confident in my skin by trying to go for a walk outside and enjoying…

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I don’t want to call it a ‘new normal’ but it’s a change….

I hate the phrase ‘new normal’. Much like the fact that I don’t like mental health being classified as ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’. Quirky language bit of my brain aside, I think making judgements like that is something that makes it difficult to accept that we’re all a little…different. There’s no one way to be. But… ‘new normal’ and ‘freedom day’… In the UK, they’re referring to something that may be (it actually has been postponed) postponed, called ‘Freedom Day’. In the UK, the day we lifted lockdown was literally going to be referred to (by our rather off-piste PM, I…

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When all you wanna do is pillow fort but you have to ‘adult’

I know this is an odd concept to raise for someone that’s a business owner and often works as hard as I do to advocate for others, who has raised two children to adulthood and when I think about it, survive what could be seen as serious negligence by my older psych team, but sometimes, do you wish you didn’t have to ‘adult?’ Adulting is overrated I don’t mean by this that I don’t think I should have zero responsiblities. I’m just really tired of not getting ‘a win’ in the things that I do, not really. All of my…

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Starting Monday armed…

Well kinda. While we were home, Tempus mentioned that the lightsaber company he’d used and was really impressed with, was running a really good sale (he got his May 4th), so I sprung for one. Believe it or not, that’s the same hilt, just one had a flash, one didn’t. Comfortable, CNC milled, mine is bronze/silver, while Tempus has a single tone silver one. They’re designed for a duelling system called Ludosport. While I may not join my partner for training, I do like the idea old designing a routine to exercise (and ness about). It is, of course, missing…

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On the road again…

Well, I’ve kinda posted about it over on BooksbyKai, but, as most people that read this blog know me pretty well (I think), I’m pretty sure everyone knows that this month (mid-May to sometime in June) is referred to as #Kaiatus. Bad pun, I know, but I’m the person that runs Kailarks, so I’m sorry, but only a little. Anyway, #Kaiatus. I take time off over May, in part because May is a pretty busy month. We start with our anniversary (well, the 29th April really, and that’s our handfasting), then we’re usually prepping to go to Games Day (The…

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A day in the disordered #atozchallenge

(again, as this is backdated, I’m writing this with the benefit of hindsight). I did actually have this rather neat post about ‘a day in the life’, but, the last few days led to a bit of an epiphany. You know there’s an Instagram bubble? I think when we write ‘days in the life’ that we sometimes make ‘blog bubbles’. So, instead of talking about what my ideal day should look like, and what it does when I’ve planned it out, I’m going to write about what my day actually is. And for the first time, I’m even going to…

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C is for Can do #atozchallenge

(backdated, sorry I was late! It does mean I get to use pretty photos I got on Sunday though!) Do or do not. There is no try. Yoda, “The Empire Strikes Back” Well, sort of.I’m actually more of the ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” which is another truism I believe in.But, when it comes to my mental health, I can’t make excuses. I have to keep healthy boundaries, and work hard. There is no ‘try’ at living after all. But it’s not easy… The thing about trying to have a ‘can do’ attitude, in the context…

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B is for Books – Walking off the earth #Finalchapterinthisbook #newbook #atozchallenge

I’ve had many ‘this is my hardest’s to deal with – probably more than anyone my age has any right to deal with in some ways.  But this one hit the hardest about three days ago, and I thought there was going to be a bit of give, a bit of wriggle room, but no.  I finally encountered the words that just broke me in two.  And I won’t repeat them.  I’ve deleted them.  But I came to a screeching halt, and I’m not sure how things will change, but change they absolutely will.   But first – I have…

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A for ‘are we there yet?’ #atozchallenge

Late start to the AtoZ I know, but I’ve had work and other stuff to deal with today.I think the title of this might give you an insight into me, more than anything else. I’m not… exactly … a patient person. I love to know where we’re going, what we’re doing, and be there.I do not do well with waits. Waiting is anathema to me in fact. My impatience is so bad that I’ve actually made up games just to get through hard meetings. I think part of it is because I’m anxious (which I’ll mention later), but part of…

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