- AtoZ Challenge 2024
- Gettting ready to AtoZ
- A is for Actually/Abundance
- B is for boo…. Brilliant things
- B is for Bad Idea Bears
- C is for Challenging
- D is for Dark #AtoZ2024
- E is for environment #AtoZ2024
- E is for Editing
- F is for Finders Keepers
- F is for Family and Friends
- G for Groups – AtoZ 2024 #MondayBlogs
- G is for ‘Only the Gods are Real’
- H is for Home
- I is for ‘I am, I feel…’
- J is for Jump (a poem)
- K is for Killing #AtoZ
- L is for Ludosport (what else?) #AtoZ
- M is for (e)motionless
- M is for Mourning
- M is for Meditation #MondayBlogs
- M is for Magic
- N is for normal
- N is for November
- O is for Outer Space
- P for Psychosis #Mondayblogs
- Q for quotables
- R for reality
- S is for singing and other music
- T is for Time and Travel
- U is for Understanding
- V is for Via
- W is for Wishes
- X is for Xray and other medical stuff
- Y is for Yesterday
- Z is for Zebras and ZZZZs
- And…that’s it – An AtoZ Rounup
Every year I get to the AtoZ and think about whether I should talk about losing friends, and every year I’ve decided that I won’t do it. And even this year, even though my writing is often dedicated to friends, even though my words are built around the things I do and know, so losing people – my friends and family – obviously changes how I see things and what I’ve talked about in my books.
But, if I’m honest, I’m still a bit reluctant to open up old wounds.
But…last night, I lost another friend and so, I thought I’d talk about it.
Last year, during the time I’ve lost memories, someone I was very close to – Valerie Douglas – passed away. She’d been unwell and in hospital and just kept having so much bad luck, and, eventually we lost her. It was, if I’m honest, heartbreaking. Moreso to see that very few people knew – that I had to reach out to her ex husband, and another that I didn’t even know about reached out to me. My diaries talk about how hard I found it being the sole community voice talking about it and getting the word out. I was so upset, I missed a whole social network, but thankfully, someone else covered it for me. I still get messages though, asking how she is, why she’s quiet. I’m entirely unsure how to answer that one.
Last night made me think about how I mourn – and whether that’s different – or the same – or a hybrid of the way others cope. Matt’s death, which triggered this extra post, was reported to me by his sister, who was part of a writing group with me, makes me wonder why we lose touch with others, why we don’t reach out when struggling, and how to mourn in a world that isn’t as close in some ways as it used to be.
I’ve got no answers, but for Nona, Valerie, my Gran, and Katie, there’s a whole cloth ripped from my world. Pages of books that need to be locked away, I guess, so I’m not as hurt.
And for Mattie, it’s currently just stunned silence. We’re in those breathless moments of shock I think, and when that dam breaks, I think there’s going to be a lot said. But in that quiet silence, I want to mourn, and remember, and be.
Also, after I wrote this, I ended up writing M for (e)motionless, and M for Masking, on Bi-Polarbears. Both are available in the links below. (I’m not sure what order I will end up posting them in, so….they were WRITTEN with this one being second last) In a compete tonal shift, there’s also M for magic, M for Meditation, and Typing a Blank even has a post, M for Migraine.
Sorry for the content dump today. I was struggling to write M for magic and school my thoughts, but hey, insult me and I kick off I guess.
Yesterday's posts
S is for Singing and other music
Visit other blogs from the AtoZ challenge!
The Current posts in my AtoZ challenge are:
T is for Time and Travel
Visit other blogs from the AtoZ challenge!
My other posts are listed at The AtoZ of me and my inspirations
No visits today – I’m asking that you read my post, P for Psychosis.
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.
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