Some seriousness – ending bullying on this blog

I’m going to say from the outset that I have tried every other way to deal with this that doesn’t involve external third parties, but after talking about it with various people on Tuesday, and because there is a worry that excess stress is causing my migraine not to shift, and that it has affected me *deeply*, I am saying this clearly so that the person/people doing it just stop, and either talk to me, or move on.

This is actually a very specific thing that has happened over the last eight months, and for the majority of you, it will seem wierd, but, I know that, compassionately, I can’t let this continue, so, I am asking that it stop in the only way I have left. And, offering the person support, because for all they’ve said, I am worried about them, and would rather sort it out than go to the police.

No need to stop commenting if it’s not you involved either. If, however, you’ve made some very personal comments about me, here and in places I work for … You may want to read this.

Don’t want to read the whole post? Here is the TLDR.

I am getting comments on here and a few other places that have my articles, that, if they do not stop, will face legal consequences. I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried removing myself where I could. I’ve tried offering support to the person we suspect is most likely behind this. I am now at the point where it’s no longer safe or sane to ignore, I am worried for the mental health of the person doing it, and, I have to take legal action if it does not stop. I am willing to support the person, and apologise for whatever I did to hurt them (within reason. If it’s my very presence that triggered this, I can’t apologise for that. If however I did something, even inadvertently, I will own that and apologise) and put this right however I can.

Hiding behind a VPN will not prevent this. After January 1st, any comments specific to this string of bullying will be considered harassment and, reluctantly, given to the authorities. If you want to tell me what I did to upset you, I will apologise, because no matter what, no one deserves to feel unseen, marginalised, or be upset by another person, even if it was not a deliberate action that hurt them. I sincerely apologise for my part in whatever it is and extend the offer to talk it out, or, you can stop using the VPN and stop commenting here, with no further repercussions from me. It will, effectively, end here. Ideally, I would like to talk and make it right all round, but, if you just want to walk away, I will destroy all saved comments and logs, and move on. Only if the bullying comments stop though.

I sincerely hope, even with what I’ve been through over this, that if you are in a bad place you reach out for help. Even to me, because it is more important to support people than punish them, imo, so the offer is there. No judgment or repercussions outside of resolving the issue either, not from me. And I will, if we talk, do whatever I personally can, to get you the support you might need.

Backstory

In April of this year, my A-Z was targeted for some very specific reasons. Those super specific reasons were so clearly targeted that I knew where in my life this stuff was coming from. Based on my notes, because it’s in a period of time I don’t remember, these comments kept coming in, and we tried a lot of different things, which worked for a little while then failed again, and eventually I spoke to some trusted people in the community that the overlap is in, who came to the same conclusions as me, and though we never got to 110% sure, it’s a pretty fair bet that we know who it is. The only thing protecting the person is that I’ve refused to take it further, as I was hoping they would either get it out of your system, or talk to me.
And, addressing the person doing this now, which is why I’m waiting until January to do anything, to give you that chance.

You seem to think you know me, but you don’t. A lot of the things you’ve said or accused me of hurt, but do you know what? If that’s a reflection of the fact that you are lashing out at me because I hurt you, I will say it now, and will again to you personally, if you approach me. I may not have meant it, I obviously don’t remember it but no one deserves to feel hurt or invalidated, so, for my part in whatever has you upset, I apologise. That I did something I potentially didn’t mean does not invalidate your feelings, nor does it mean I shouldn’t make reasonable amends. So, for my part, if I have hurt you in any way, I really am sorry. And if you want to talk to me about it, judgement free and away from the vitriol that you spewed, I am open to that.

I never approve comments that contain personal information, and while, yes, the comments have caused anxiety for me, I’ve been up front with various people it could affect and they said “you can either ignore it, hand it to the police, or tell them that you will after (X date).” And that’s what I am doing.

Call this an armistice if you will, but, without consequence other than telling the people that have been involved with helping me work all this out, of you want to talk, I am willing to discuss whatever it is that made you unhappy, and see if there is a resolution to it all. And, like I said, apologise if that is appropriate.

It’s only till January 1st though. On January 1st, any continued harassment will, after discussion with those already involved, be presented to the police, and it’ll go from there. I really would rather not do that though, so, as I have already asserted, if you want to talk to me, adult to adult, that is, and will remain an option throughout the holidays. If you want to stop, and leave me alone, you have a free pass to do so without retribution from me. Either way, it ends, or it becomes a police matter.

I would rather put all of it behind us. I also sincerely hope, for all the upset there’s been over all of this in my own life, that you have robust mental health support and are in a place where you are safe and cared for, and if you don’t want to talk to me, that you do at least go discuss it with someone. It’s ok to not be ok, and if you aren’t, I speak from a place of care when I say that you should seek professional input, because even if I did something to trigger this in you – for which, again, I will apologise for if you let me know what I did – I think that you need support. And while you may not want me to be part of that, I am willing to help if you need me. Even after all of the turmoil and upset this has left me with. It is more important to me that someone gets appropriate help than to be vindicated, gotta be honest, and so, if talking to me about whatever it was that actually started all of this helps, I am all for that.

If not… Be aware that I have to start passing evidence to authorities and that this will go from a quiet chat between a few people to a potentially destructive situation real fast, and of the two of us, you have the power to prevent that. I put that control in your hands. Abuse in my comments after January 1st though, in relation to the stuff that started in April, will be handled to the fullest extent of the law, regretfully.

If I can say anything though – I know that it seems counterintuitive to say “we can still talk this out” after the vitriol I’ve had, even since I lost my memories. But, I know what it is to feel lonely or somehow, less than another person, and to feel that if they were not there you would get what they do. I also know that in the place this undoubtedly came from, I am just…Kai. Not special. I’m only in competition with myself, to always be that little bit better, and while I know that often means I’m an insanely productive whirlwind (based on my journals) it’s only because I’m really insecure about what I am personally. It’s certainly not a reflection on anyone else, though I do totally get why it looks that way from the outside.

The core of all of this though is I grew up being bullied by lots of people. For how I looked, for who I was, for the things I did. I don’t like that discomfort, and, quite honestly, if I can avoid it, I do, but if you need my help, because this has gotten out of hand and you are in a bad place, let me know. I’ll do what I can. I promise. I know what it is to feel like nothing is good enough, and while I turn it onwards, I can see how that might lead to lashing out at people, and, if that’s the case, I hope this post lets you know that it can be fixed, and there can be an end to it.

Kai( Kai Viola, Author )

Kai is a writer, author and avid reader.  A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.