B is for…

Well…B is for a lot of things actually.  I’ll be doing ‘B is for Books’ over at AlexandriaPublishingGroup later today, but for now I wanted to touch on the books, and some other stuff that B is for.

In our house, B is for something we just can’t have yet.  Not because we can’t afford it, or because we don’t want one – in fact, as long as I remain fairly successful as a freelancer, money really isn’t a problem, neither will be taking maternity leave.
And there, with that one word, you’ll know that I’m talking about babies.  I’ll be doing a full post on it in ‘I is for infertility’, but I prefer the sound of babies to ‘infertility’, so there you go.

As I’m talking about this on my mostly personal blog, I’m going to say only this – it’s been one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with in our relationship, so when Kushka died earlier last month, I think it just all got to me – not that I’d have grieved less if we’d had a baby – but she WAS our baby in many ways.  And yep, we’ve got a pair of kitten(ish) cats now, who are slowly settling right in, but I’d still give anything to have my girl back.  Even though I love the two new ones, Kush really was one in a billion.
But, we move on.  Humans perceive time in odd ways – and I still cry looking at the photos, but there’s two new bundles of fun to snuggle, and I’m sure, given how spoiled and loved they are, adding a baby to that mix, if we ever manage it is going to be fine.

So, I can’t have babies right now – it’s not the end of the world, right?  Well, no, actually in some ways it really is.  I feel like a failure – not that we can’t conceive (oh, look, c is for knocked up), but because we can.  My body just has a conniption, gives me all of the fun stuff that early pregnancy has  – exhaustion, nausea, throwing up, peeing like there’s no tomorrow, then, after about a week, if I’m lucky, I lose it.
If that weren’t traumatic enough, it’s my other half’s first baby.  I have two children from a previous relationship, but wouldn’t you know, I’ve been in this one for nine years (twice as long as my relationship with the father of my children).

And also for…

B is also for Iain Banks – he and Dan Abbnett told me (separately, but in the same month) that if I didn’t write, it would be a crime, or sentiments to that effect – having lost several greats this year already (James Herbert, Dave Silva and Rick Hautala) I’m really beginning to feel like I should be publishing, and be dammed with the rest of the stuff that occupies my life.  I was 17 when they told me, half a lifetime ago.

B is for Bah.

My favorite word this month – Camp Nanowrimo is upon us.  You might want to hop on over to Author interrupted to find out about that one.

B is for bombtastic

Bit of a spoiler here, sorry guys, but after Glass Block launches (I hope on Friday), there will be some A-Z challenge posts appearing on DarknessPD.  Items like E is for Elliot, M is for Morrigan, C is for Clones and B is for…well….bomb blasts.

🙂  Ain’t I a stinker?

B is for Blogging

I’ve been asked what it is about me and blogs.  I guess I’m not very good at explaining that, but I love keeping blogs.  I mean…almost as much as I love reading and writing.  I’m trying to rework my blogs though, so that they’re more regularly updated – alongside B is for Blogs, be is also for Bi-polarbears, the mental health advocate site I run which was 10 last month.

And finally….

B is for Books.  I love books.  Almost as much as I love my cats.  I’m an avid reader – I’ve got a lovely Kindle, and an Ipad so I can read no matter what, and it’s something I really miss.  I was going to start a film review blog later in the month, but i may add recommended book reviews to that too.  Not that I’ll review books, but that I’ll recommend books with a review, on my terms :).