Hello y’all. Long time no write, I know. Things are changing again, and I thought I’d make sure I at least caught everyone up.
A couple of days ago, I came to a couple of huge epiphanies – some that I can’t blog about, because I don’t want to hurt the people involved. So, instead, I’m just going to skip straight through problem/dissection and hit solution.
I’m not writing my own stuff any more. This is, health wise, probably about the most fatal thing I can do. Even at Uni, I got the freedom to write *something* that was mine – since taking on work as a copywriter and editor though, that time as diminished right down to nothing. Faced with two choices, I’ve done the only thing I know how so far – I’ve procrastinated my ass off. And that’s making me worse.
So, now that I’ve worked out, probably, what is having most impact on my mental health is not writing, and doing work for other people (which I love, but doesn’t do anything for *me* and right now, I need something, anything to go right that isn’t tied to something that someone else has done. I’m glad I edit award winning books for example, but all I’ve done, really is tell the people involved why x comma should move, and why y comma should be a em dash, changed some words, corrected some spellings, caught some tautologies and that’s about it. It’s not as if I wrote it is it).
It’s not envy exactly – not jealousy that I spend my time doing work on other people’s stuff and don’t have time for mine.
So, I’m starting 500 words at a time. I’m going to write 750 words in the morning, on the desktop (in the office), once the kids have left for school. That’s my daily commitment to 750 words – and I’m going to do it every morning. I’ll just have to chase people and teach them that I need it. That’s going to be my free writing stuff. I’m going to edit and copywrite, as is my job, and then I’m going to write some more at lunch time. Depending on whether the edit is ‘slow’ or not, I’ll get to write less of my stuff or more, but that’s ok.
I’m also going to blog slightly less. But more regularly. Three blogs, on a schedule. I’m going to redirect everything else. I’ll backup the archives and that’ll be ok, but I’m not going to push myself to actually have a more personal world on recount. I don’t think anything in my personal life that isn’t about something that directly affects me right now matters to anyone else.
I’ve still not decided which three ‘solo’ blogs I’m going to keep, but I’m starting one or two new projects as duo or group things too.
Most of all though, I’m going to just keep doing it in chunks.
500 words at a time. If I overreach that, fine, but this is what i want to do. And then I’ll see where that takes me.
Had I worked this out a year ago, maybe I’d have been making more money from my fiction by now, and then, I wouldn’t need to have these worries – or on the other hand I could have missed it entirely, and discovered that actually, I destroyed my career when I fell on my face. Either way, though I don’t believe things happen for a reason, I do believe that I’m on the right path now. I just need to cure my paralysis over what to work on and I’m good.
I dunno. I think I’ll just write and worry about what belongs where later, just for now. I can always set up a document and keep opening new ones for new POV’s till I’m there. Or just write. It feels so good to just *write*.
That works, doesn’t it?
(by the way, I blog MUCH more frequently over at http://authorinterrupted.com – I guess Kaiberie.com is going to keep being the slightly more personal perspective on writing, and all of the other stuff I do, but till I settle, blog posts here will be few and far between).
Kai is a writer, author and avid reader. A mental health advocate, Ludosport athlete and coder. She’s the mother of two young adults, owned by two cats, and lives with her beloved in the Cotswolds.