The blog of D Kai Wilson-Viola

Author, advocate, designer, mental health advocate and parent. 

Momentum

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  1. Yup. I had... Other stuff also happen that I try not to talk about- mostly I like to be clear…

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We move through our lives at a constant pace.  We can accelerate or decelerate ourselves with a limited amount of success, but the speed we do things at, at our base rate at least, is probably something we’ll never change.  Some of us rush headlong into everything and batter through life as fast as we can, hungry for as many new experiences as we can pick up, and tired at the end of each day because we’ve packed in so much.

Others go as slow as possible, savoring every step, and realising, deep down, that they can’t do everything they might want to.

My problem is I want to savor everything, but I want it all.  I have too many hobbies, and too little time on my books for new stuff.  I book far too much into my life, mostly because I can.  My laptop became both my freedom and my curse, because now, there’s a whole world of reading and writing out there, and I get nothing done.
Facebook is a horrible blessing.  I can meet and hang out with so many wonderful people, and keep an eye on my friends, and there are some really cool games on there, but, lets face it, I’ve got a nasty habit of refreshing my page again and again, and then wondering, at 2pm, where my day went.

Worst of all, I’m a person that moves through life with a momentum that pulls others along behind me.  And lately, I kinda feel like I’m out in the middle of a great big ocean, with no chance of finding the new land I was aiming for.  But it feels like I’m stranding other people now and I don’t like that feeling.

Momentum is working out where you’re going and I think that’s the biggest thing for me right now.  I need to work out which map I’m working from – someone else’s or my own.  If I’m working from someone else’s, where can I adapt it so it’s all mine – or if I’m going to dive on in headlong and do it all myself, I need to work out where I want to go – there are *so many* choices right now.

What I do know is tomorrow begins my ninth Nanowrimo.  I’m really looking forward to it.  It gives me another month to work out and plan the roller coaster that is about to be my life.  One way or another, things will start resolving and working out the way I want to.

Plans are coming soon, though.  I’m happy to report there *is* a plan, but it’s difficult to see whether it’s the right choice right now.  So I’m going to have a bit of fun with my writing for a bit, and see where that takes me.  It’s too easy for me to lose sight of what I wanted to do when I started out online – which was writing.  I’ve gone all over the web since, looking for something that’s ‘all me’ but what I am, underneath it all, is a writer.

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P is for Psychosis #realmentalhealth #mondayblogs #nomorestigma

This is one of my harder blog posts to write, because though I talk – a lot – about the impact my mental health has on my day to day life, and has done for a while, I’m pretty sure that this is the bit no one really understands, causes the most…misunderstanding and I hope, because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, they can’t relate to. If you didn’t know that psychosis was a feature of my mental health diagnosis, or didn’t understand if you’d heard it mentioned before now, please…don’t start changing your opinion of me. That’s the biggest reason those of us with serious mental health issues aren’t as open as society needs. Because we lose people.