Birthdays and stuff

Posted on November 15, 2011 by Kai

Normally, I do my ‘birthday’ update on or around my birthday – but I’m a couple of days late this year. And with good (ish) reason.
On the 8th of this year I graduated officially. And so began a week of visits and catching up with friends and family. Unfortunately, so also began a week of random exhaustion and a horrible rash that’s over most of the front of my neck and up one shoulder.

The rash
The rash itself isn’t actually too bad now, other than it itches like mad. I’m itchy in various places to be fair, but it’s all mostly associated with one side of my body. I spent Monday rearranging my conservatory, and sorting out the house – Tuesday – I graduated – Wednesday and a docs visit saw me picking up meds, but little else. I started needing about 200% more sleep. Thursday, mom came back from Egypt, and visited. Friday, Keith arrived, and Saturday….

Well, Saturday was supposed to be my book launch, my big birthday *bash* and my graduation celebration. It ended up being coffee in the morning with my nanoees, napping most of the rest of the day, before landing in the out of hours service at 5:30. Which lead to ‘you have meningeal symptoms (stiff neck, headache, bright lights bothering me, nausea, no temperature though), go to the ER’, which led to ‘the heck no’ conversation that comes up whenever I land in the Gloucester hospital. I eventually talked my other half into letting me go home for my birthday party – which, in the end was food, chatter and watching some cartoons. And then I slept. I did much of the same on Sunday.
And yesterday.
As of 11am this morning I’m still randomly needing to nap for an hour or two after only being up for a few hours, I’m stiff, I’m tired, but I’m still working.

Not quite the way I wanted to celebrate my 33rd birthday, but it let me have a think about several things, and, as Glass Block was signed up with a press, I’ve got space now till February to pursue something fun. So I am.

Momentum

Posted on October 31, 2011 by Kai

We move through our lives at a constant pace. We can accelerate or decelerate ourselves with a limited amount of success, but the speed we do things at, at our base rate at least, is probably something we’ll never change. Some of us rush headlong into everything and batter through life as fast as we can, hungry for as many new experiences as we can pick up, and tired at the end of each day because we’ve packed in so much.

Others go as slow as possible, savoring every step, and realising, deep down, that they can’t do everything they might want to.

My problem is I want to savor everything, but I want it all. I have too many hobbies, and too little time on my books for new stuff. I book far too much into my life, mostly because I can. My laptop became both my freedom and my curse, because now, there’s a whole world of reading and writing out there, and I get nothing done.
Facebook is a horrible blessing. I can meet and hang out with so many wonderful people, and keep an eye on my friends, and there are some really cool games on there, but, lets face it, I’ve got a nasty habit of refreshing my page again and again, and then wondering, at 2pm, where my day went.

Worst of all, I’m a person that moves through life with a momentum that pulls others along behind me. And lately, I kinda feel like I’m out in the middle of a great big ocean, with no chance of finding the new land I was aiming for. But it feels like I’m stranding other people now and I don’t like that feeling.

Momentum is working out where you’re going and I think that’s the biggest thing for me right now. I need to work out which map I’m working from – someone else’s or my own. If I’m working from someone else’s, where can I adapt it so it’s all mine – or if I’m going to dive on in headlong and do it all myself, I need to work out where I want to go – there are *so many* choices right now.

What I do know is tomorrow begins my ninth Nanowrimo. I’m really looking forward to it. It gives me another month to work out and plan the roller coaster that is about to be my life. One way or another, things will start resolving and working out the way I want to.

Plans are coming soon, though. I’m happy to report there *is* a plan, but it’s difficult to see whether it’s the right choice right now. So I’m going to have a bit of fun with my writing for a bit, and see where that takes me. It’s too easy for me to lose sight of what I wanted to do when I started out online – which was writing. I’ve gone all over the web since, looking for something that’s ‘all me’ but what I am, underneath it all, is a writer.

Who am I?

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Kai

Cricket asked this and at first, I thought, ah, well, that’s easy.

I’m tech support. I’m a writer. I’m an extremely clever woman. I’m a graduate of Creative Writing.
I’m a mother. I’m the woman that’s dating one of the most amazing men in the world, bar none. I’m close friend to people that I can’t mention by name, because my privacy and theirs is worth more than the street cred it might get me.

But that’s all very ‘external’ and perception based.

So, I tried to go a little deeper. My name isn’t Kai, but it’s what everyone bar my family and a very few friends call me. My last name also isn’t Viola – yet. It’s not that we don’t intend to get married, it’s just that the practicality and expense of it all – it’s not only overwhelming, it’s so huge that I just can’t look at it. At all.
I’m nearly 33. Mother to two wonderful children here with me and one that had a name that passed over at ten weeks pregnant. Empty shell right now, because I can’t, for the life of me get and remain pregnant, and I’ll be honest, it’s on my mind a lot.

And that leads to thoughts of failure and loss. And I’m that too. I failed to do what was expected of me – many times. Hindsight being what it is, I know now that some of my difficulties are trying to function as ‘normal’ when I’m anything but. I’m an extraordinary woman, not least because I have bipolar disorder. It’s not just a disorder though, it’s shaped my whole perspective, personality and way of life. I have a fair idea what the day is going to bring when I wake up, but there’s always that rogue chance I’ll be off cycle, and anxiety, which I always pretty much accepted as background noise is something that’s slowly becoming less like a sly whisper in the back of my head and a shout that drowns out everything *out there*. And I know some of that is to do with my thought pattern.
Ans the language I use, which is something else that I am. I am a language Geek. Capital G. I love linguistics and have found my favourite field in linguistics to study, if only I could find the money to do it.
Some of the reason I failed though was fear. Whether I accept I’m paralysed by it, or have a world to create around it, shielding myself from the things that make me feel that way remains to be seen, but what I do know right now is that I dislike it. A lot. I’m afraid of everything.
Afraid people will see through me and realise I’m a fraud.
Afraid that people will find that out, and tell others.
Afraid that what I’m doing is somehow *not enough* and that when it comes down to it, my life will be a series of moments that I missed.

It’s still external and tied to an event though. And if that’s all I am, a series of events, doesn’t that make me a series of moments, and though I can’t say that the good always outweigh the bad on a year to year basis, there are more neutral to good days in our house. So, doesn’t that make me mostly neutral good? (Or lawful-neutral for our gaming readers ) But that’s not me either. Because those moments, even if they were instigated, orchestrated and meticulously recorded by only me, are still external.

Who am I?

I’m Kai. I’m not perfect, and I know that deep inside of me there’s a crack that I skillfully and artfully make people ignore,much like the hole in Amelia Pond’s wall. I am a geek, and the carrier of worlds that, lets me fair, only currently exist in a very warped mind, bundled up in fair, freckled skin, vibrant red hair, and a body that ends up in corsets a lot less regularly than I’d wish for. I’m NOT famous, and doing my level best to keep it that way, but I am a writer and artist. A good one if my degree is to be believed, and those that have pried my stories off of my hard drive can tell.
I leave a legacy in my kids of an amazing pair of children, with strong personalities – a legacy I currently get to enjoy each and every day, so I’m a shaper of the future, no matter how transient that influence, and I’m a good friend, who goes out of her way to do what she can to help, protect and support those she cares about, though, I fail quite often at that too.

I’m learning. I’m Kai.

Going to war redux

Posted on July 3, 2011 by Kai

Well done to those that got the ‘Dr Who’ reference

The last week has seen some chances in how I view the community – I’m beginning to see that one of the major problems is that there are some people in the community that castigate people with one breath and then, scarily, endorse them in another. It seems, basically, that there are some in the community more interested in choosing to play their own interests off against lying. And I’m not sure how to address that other than, possibly, ignore them for all but the most important stuff.

War is going to be waged on several fronts. I’ve got a script to finish sorting out, and some other various and sundry things to take care of over the next few days and weeks, but the most important thing – my dissertation – is top of the pile. It goes back for the second round of feedback tomorrow, and then, hopefully, I can submit it and am done with Uni. I’m really going to miss it, but one of the bigger problems I have right now is the board doesn’t confirm my results now until September, which means I’m not going to know what my degree *is* until then. I’m not sure if I get to see provisional marks or if I just have to wait, so that’s something I’m going to ask Martin/Rebecca when I submit it. If that is the case, we’ve got a big month in September – Teeniboi starts high school, and something else should have begun to resolve by then, not to mention that the plan we’re trying to put into motion right now should be well under way. Glass Block should be out (end of August!), and most of all, I should be in a position to actually see the wood from the trees. Taxes and all that crap should be worked out for the company, and I’ll have our first year’s turnover report available to me. It’s all very exciting and scary all at once.

I’ve still not finished condensing down sites, though I have parked lots of stuff on here already. Got an amazing plugin that should help me – and others – get onto WordPress all the easier, but I gotta test it first. All in all, it might make designing author sites easier and allow me to move my beloved books site (which is html) onto my favorite system. I’ll keep you posted

New twitter hashtag #tIAG

Posted on June 18, 2011 by Kai

As many of y’all know, I’m part of a wonderful group of Indie writers on Facebook. To keep track of one another in Twitter, we just lauched a new hastag, at @lil_tufel ‘s suggestion. SO join me in using #tIAG – the ‘twitter Indie Author Group’ tag

(with thanks to Lili Tufel, whose book, Sand is brilliant!) Lili was also the very savvy mind behind the Indie Author Blog Hop, which I help to maintain. We also have a webring to give authors *even more* traffic. Check it out.

One month to go

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Kai

I have to admit to being really very excited right now, an excitement that I can only really imagine is going to get more and more intolerable until the 4th of June.

It’s incredible to think that I’m going to be published in less than 33 days. In one month, exactly, I’m going to be dealing with my very messed up, very hot, very deprecating detective that drives me up the wall and won’t shut up at 4am when he’s got something really important to tell me.

Yes, my character wakes me up in the middle of the night and talks to me. There’s a lot to be said about the things that says about my mental health, but I guess that’s another post. One of the things I am slowly learning and accepting is that it’s normal for me, and that’s OK.
But till I’m through editing Glass Block right to the end, I’m not sure how to answer the questions about Elliot, so I’m going to have to plead patience.

I’m really excited though – one of the things that I’m working on is about a dozen interviews – which means in the near future, I’ll be sharing all of the links for all of my interviews with everyone. For now though – check out my first interview.
But while I’m here, I thought I’d open up the floor to questions – what would you like to know? There are, as ever, things I just can’t answer, but you never know till you ask
*updated – the book is postponed now till August – thanks for your patience guys.

This post is part of the Server Sync up contest

Release schedules….

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Kai

One of the major areas I’m looking at right now, while increasing my ‘discipline’ and butt in seat stickivity for my writing is to look at my release schedules.
So, when I’ve got Glass Block out the gates, I’ve got several choices – Near Earth, Black Monday or another book, I’m not sure whether I’ll move forward with one of several books, or if I’ll take the time to build up my copywriting business, or do something else. All I do know is the next few weeks and months are going to be jam packed, and I hope that they’ll be good for my carreer.

One of the major things I’m learning right now though is that I can’t underestimate anything – if anything, I need to build in space and delays, just to make sure I get through it all – with dissertations and other projects in the way, I’m well aware that just about anything could go wrong between now and June 4th – it’s a good lesson for writers though – as I’m restructuring (again) to ensure that I have time to work on the things that interest me most, I’m also aware that there’s no way in this WORLD that I have the time to do everything I want to. Not right now anyway – it might be possible later once the books start actually doing well……

And that’s where you, my dearest of dear readers come in. Please (please please please!) come on over and check out Darkness PD and fan me on Facebook – D Kai WilsonViola

Thanks!

A little bit of discipline

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Kai

Image via Wikipedia

I find posts like this difficult to write. After all, I am basically saying ‘I am not available’ – which is entirely true, but makes me feel just a bit twitchy. I pride myself in being available to anyone when they need me, but let’s be honest, this place rarely gets updated right now, I’ve got a resit for my psych exam and a hand in and a dissertation hand in to deal with, my book is due out on the 4th of June and is requiring what is probably going to be a major rewrite, and most of all, I’m a mother and fiancée, and queen of a happy little world that requires more attention than bears thinking about sometimes.

Coming back from our trip, I realized that I had to start applying more discipline than I have been lately. Which means coming off Facebook almost entirely for the next month, save promotions – actually writing blog posts instead of procrastinating and generally getting about 20k of writing done (or equivalent editing) a week. It’s all doable, easily, but it means taking a couple of massive steps back.
I’ve already curtailed my Livejournal stuff once and for all (as in, I’m not even logging in to comment any more) but it goes without saying that I’m tired of chasing my tail. So, I’m going to wait for everything to loop round and grab it on the way past.
The rest of this week is quite handily being filled by drafting some new chapters for GB as I remove some of the stuff that slowed the story somewhat, and add some stuff in that needs to be explained, and then see where that gets me. But discipline is something I’ve never been good at, so I’ll need to see how things go.

That’s not to say I won’t be around, but I am trying to teach myself that, like email, Facebook doesn’t need to be constantly open. Same with Skype and chat and all of the other niggles I keep running all day – it’s nice to be in touch, but I’m keen to start trying it on my terms again. And now, with the changes that have come up, I’m free to actually *write* and so, write I shall.
See y’all on the flip side!

Books, books books!

Posted on April 7, 2011 by Kai

Yep, I’m positively giddy right now.

I’ve got not one, but two books coming out in the next 60 days.

Reissuing….

Footnotes to a Lesson was most recently issued in an anthology of short stories – the rights reverted last year at some point and I completely forgot to re-release it in eBook format (oops).
It’s written under my horror pen name ‘Sabrann Curach’, and is a ‘Thinking Man’s’ Zombie story.
links to follow, but what do you think?

And the big news….

When Big Brother fell out of popularity in the early part of the 21st century it was replaced with ever more ‘realistic’ reality TV shows, till the need for this was replaced with a need for fantasy. In an attempt to resurrect the old format some die hard fans filmed themselves locked in with a recently released murderer. The person to get out got the money from the stream sales at the end. Needless to say they were slaughtered.

Word of this spread on the internet and a ‘sanctioned’ version by the UCPS (United coalition of Prison Services) was established. Brought in from Darkness, one of the cities providing most of the prisoners, most of which he’d been responsible for collaring, Elliot Peters is forced into a nightmare world where the walls are made of glass and people vote as to whether you survive.

You can read more at DarknessPD

Exciting stuff

Posted on March 10, 2011 by Kai

Image via Wikipedia

It’s not all gloom and doom in my household.

One of the big projects I’m launching post graduation is my new press project. It’s two parts at the moment – with the whole thing being ran from one site – Occam’s Library is my e-book print arm, and covers working on the Kindle, and the Nook and other projects that involve the ‘simplest’ solution, while Schrödinger’s Library is the print project and will be lagging slightly behind this one. I think that the overall project needs a proper name, so for now it’s falling under Lime-in-the-coconut , which was my original co-op press project. So all and all, it’s very positive.

But – I need a bit of help. To make a press really work I need to have people to read the stuff we’re putting out. For now I’ve got some very specific books in mind for going out, so please don’t query me to take your book. What I need instead is…well, a couple of things really.

One is to follow @occamslibrary on Twitter. The second is to join up to my writer’s fan page.

Occam’s Library’s first release is going to be Glass Block – it’s been variously described as ‘Law and Orders down and dirty with a dystopic CSI, discovers blood borne viruses that creates vampires, werewolves and other wibblies and has a love child’ or ‘absolutely insane, off the hook, gimmie more!’.

I describe it as a sci-fi/horror/slipstream thriller that constantly leaves you guessing, and introduces you to Elliot Peters, one of the main protagonists in the green-room in my head.

The second book out is a guide to social networking and blogging – it’s in the process of being renamed because we didn’t like the name it had – it walks you through, step by step, what you need to do to set up your blog to work with social networking, and how to leverage it effectively, including planning things like promotions, blogging calendars ‘etc’.

The third book out, near Christmas, is yet to be decided. It’ll either be Pictures In the Dark (a bipolar’s guide to good mental health), or Near Earth. And of course if things pick up, or there’s a demand, there’s something like 12 other books in the Glass Block series waiting to be edited and released, plus dozens of other universes and other fun stuff that’s sci-fi, horror or a mix of both.

For those of you that don’t see anything you’re interested in yet, Green room in my head talks about all the different genres I write, while Writers-bookshelf is going to gear itself more towards the theory and practice of publishing, but I write and have written in just about every genre known to man and woman kind, including erotica, so there really is something for every type of reader out there available. You gotta tell me though – which is the other area I need help. I’m legendarily indecisive, so I’d love to hear what you want to see. Got a favorite genre? Really interested in what I’m talking about? tell me!

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