Author Archives: Kai

Degree confirmation

Posted on by Kai
1

As many of you know, I’ve spent the last four years doing a degree in Creative writing, with a side of psychology.  It’s been a long road, especially after I fell and banged my head.
But, to the credit of the University of Gloucestershire, and my tutors, we got through it – they were amazingly supportive and helpful and made sure I was in the best position possible to make my degree work for me.  I can’t praise them enough.

But – I’m delighted to confirm that I got a 2:1.

So, now I’m a graduate.  Wooohooo!

reorganisation

Posted on by Kai
Reply

I’m beginning to start importing some of the stuff that I’ve had on other sites, so the archives will kinda start filling out.  Kai-0-9-tales.com is now merged onto here, so if you were looking for posts from there, the links should work again :)

Other than that, there’s a bit of reorganisation going on – I’ve got books to write, and lesson plans to fix and a whole pile of other stuff to take care of.  So, I should be back with my big, ten year as a professional writer project very soon!

Not so random acts of teh awesomes

Posted on by Kai
Reply

(Sidenote, yes, I love lolcats – my favorite is TS Elliot’s ‘the Wasteland, rendered into Lol)

So, PrincessPink has returned to school, successfully, and I just as successfully woke up this morning and sorted everyone, myself included, out.  Which was good.  She’s not happy about some of the new routines in the morning, but I’m sure if we keep going, eventually, she’ll get there.
Today, I’ve got lots of ‘signing off’ to do – an edit to blitz.  Content to write for my day job, and about six hours worth of crime tv to catch up on (that may have to wait until tomorrow when *he* returns to school).  Plus, a badge to sew on a school blazer.  Plus.  Blogs.  My blogs.  Other blogs.  Just, blogs ;)

For now though, the first act of awesome?  Grabbing a cup of tea, and then getting the bus to deal with school uniform :)

The new schedule

Posted on by Kai
1

Nov 22 059So, yeah, I’m still on writing burnout, at least for fiction.  I’m a bit concerned about that actually –  there’s no ideas, no flashes of ‘oooh, I wanna write *that*’… nothing.

But, there is the niggling nagging feeling that I should at least get my life back into a ‘productive’ space instead of sitting on the couch for days and thinking ‘why me’.  I guess the ‘why me’ isn’t the right question.  ‘What can I do to fix it’ is the real question.

In all of this drive, I’ve lost most of my passions.  The blogs that I’m most passionate about?  Fallen to the wayside as I keep my head above water.  Finished my dissertation, and all that seemed to fill it?  Moping.

The new schedule

When I say ‘schedule’, I’m, for now, not looking at the list on my plate, and then slotting stuff in.  I’m also not going to say ‘I’m using these blogs to ‘warm up’ in the morning.  In fact, I’m going to do my level best to get a bit ahead with the evergreen stuff and pick up the information that’s not evergreen and post it as and when required.  I’ve got special plugins that do stuff with queued content and works with what I’m doing.

But there’s a certain… need to actually say ‘well, this is what I’m doing’.

The blogs

http://kaiberie.com  (this one)

http://literary-forensics.com/ –  which, bar the information posts, is going to restart.  Literary Forensics is a bit of editing, a bit of language, a bit about etymology, and a lot about the ‘language’ of crime.  It’ll feature crime and thriller writer interviews too, alongside a non fiction book sometime early in the new year.

http://bi-polarbears.com -it’s probably not particularly well in the communities I’m involved with right now, but I write a mental health blog.  I’m not very good at writing on a schedule though, and that’s something I’d like to change.  Again, there’s a book associated with this blog.

http://indieunbound.com  –  it’s a bit about editing, a bit about writing.

and finally –  http://indieauthorcommunity.com –  which actually encompasses something like six mini blogs, but still…

Other projects

I’ve got a couple of other projects to deal with, including setting up some sites for some projects, and writing content to achieve that.  One of them is ‘indieauthoraide’, a site designed to support indie authors in accessing everything they need.  But it’s quite a big…if not one of the biggest projects I’ve undertaken, and actually needs planned. Needs to ask people to come help too.  But that’s the underlying structure.

30 hours of copywriting, with the company I work for, and those blogs.  I think it’s a good underlying structure to go for.

 

Making time for…

Posted on by Kai
1

Ok, so, officially, and as I’ll post later, I do, definitely have a form of burnout.
Yes doctor, I’m well aware that I shouldn’t be straining creative muscles, but we’ve still got to eat, so I *am* still copywriting.  And editing.

One thing though, that’s been bothering me about all of this is I’m still ‘making time for’.  I’m still working from the minute I get to my laptop, till around midnight (right now).  I’m still trying to find my way through a minefield of supporting those I love, and reassuring them that actually, I’m ok.  Still trying to prioritize what is and isn’t important to me and planning not only accordingly, but working out what that accordingly actually is.

Getting back into ‘the swing’ – and being a sultan!

Bad musical reference there, my apologies.  The fact of the matter is though, I’m the queen of my own happy little paradise.  I’m the one that makes the choices, and the bed, and I’m the one that lives with whatever happens next.  It shouldn’t be as difficult as it is, and that’s why I know this is burnout not something else.  Still the power is in my hands to fix this! and right now, being fair, there’s nothing *to* fix. I like free-floating for a while.  I don’t like feeling so creatively drowned, drained and burned through that there’s nothing left, and I’m really beginning to resent the ‘I thought you were superwoman’ conversations, because, another fact is in all of the time people have known me, I’ve NEVER broken like this.  In nearly 33 years on this earth, and nearly 29 years of writing stories, I’ve never been so burned out that my brain isn’t processing stories.  So to those ‘friends’ – quit it, or leave my circle of friends and watch from the sidelines, where you belong.

I never did understand haters…

It’s not that I can’t understand how or why someone could be that nasty – I genuinely don’t get the concept of ‘haters’.  I’ve spent my whole life convincing myself that the friends I have are the most valuable people in my world and that these people have power over me.  But, this last week, what I’ve worked out, and am still reconciling into the whole conscious thought pattern that runs through my head is that the only opinion that matters, primarily is mine.  I’m not superhuman, but I’m not average either and that’s ok.  But at some point I will go back to being the whirlwind I’ve been, and until then….
I’m not going to give anyone the crap about ‘rising from the ashes’ or anything else.  I’m not licking wounds, or even, really worrying about anything right now.  It’s not because I’m fragile, but because I’ve finally pulled my life to a complete stop, I think, for a while, I’m going to keep it here.  Maybe in another week, once the kids are settled in school and we’re at the point where they’ve both had their first week, and we know what’s coming in a very basic way, maybe then I can look at picking up the stories that want told, and fit them in where they belong.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it’ll take longer than that.
But you know what – that’s ok too.  It’s not even down to my health being more important than ‘the stories’ because deep down, I know that’s not true – what’s more important to me right now is ensuring that I’m doing the stories the justice they deserve, and emotionally, I’ve got a lot to process and new things to learn and integrate, but I can do it – and more importantly, it’s valuable, and worth it.

But, there’s three  four things I want to make time for.

1) Podcasts – I used to listen to various podcasts and stopped.  I think I’m really losing out so as soon as the laptop comes back repaired, it’s a clean install, and one of the first things that iTunes is getting is my podcasts.

2) Reading – I’m reading before bed every night.  I’m going to do that more during the day, perhaps over lunch (and actually eat properly too!)

3)Knitting – I really miss knitting.  I need to do more of it, and I’m going to make sure that part of my weekends are now *dedicated* to that.

4) MMORPG – still looking for one to play, but I want a game that I can immerse myself in again.

You might wonder where writing is on that list.  For now – it’s not.  This is stuff that I want to slot in around work – around fiction, around non fiction.  Part of my life rebalance.

Faster than light mind

Posted on by Kai
Reply

One of the problems I’ve had lately is I think too fast – and I can’t slow my brain down for trying.  And over the last few days – since I started cutting most all ties that have either held me down or gotten in the way of the clarity I’ve been seeking – since London really – and I’ve worked with every which way I could think of to fix this without doing the big red reset.

Big red button….

There’s a running joke in our house that there’s a big red reset button that is connected to the coffee machine – because if it was connected to anything else, I’d be constantly, always fixing the things I lost my temper with and spending more time fixing what I undid.  But, as I said on Friday, I’ve had enough.  And in acknowledging that, by Monday, I’d made more decisions that had changed, basically, how I view my online life.
Some of it – is temporary. I’m temporarily not moderating – and temporarily  not even on the group(s) in question.  I’d unhesitatingly recommend them to any indie writers looking for a support system, and an honest perspective on the Indie community, but, right now, my honest perspective on my own life is pulling me down faster than I can blink, I don’t need to be in a position where I feel like I should be helping people constantly.  And that’s more me than them, but god’s honest truth, I’m not responsible for anyone other than me and my household.  Beyond that, I can help people, but I can’t make them do what I’m suggesting.  Whether I know that’s the solution they need or not.

That was a bit of an epiphany.

A bigger one was that though I’m stupidly bummed that I’ve had to take myself off of the moderating duties ‘etc’ that I’ve had for, well, since the main group was formed, I’m actually ok right now.  I cut everything back.  No moderating at all for the next week minimum.  Copywriting jobs only as and when I’m asked – I’m not looking for extra jobs right now.  Short term that’s going to really hit me where it hurts (i.e my wallet) but I can get around that pretty much in one of two ways.  One is to edit more, which I’m quite enjoying, and the other is to cut costs – which, perversely I’m also quite enjoying.  It’s nice to see where we can save money, and ensure that we’re making sure that, as a family, we’re meeting our expenses and saving up for things.  I’ve of course invested in editing already, and the only thing left for many of my books is my book cover, so things aren’t difficult on my work front.

And that’s where my faster than light mind comes in.  Goal setting is difficult for me because I don’t ‘live’ in the present.  The other running joke to do with how fast I think is that the reason I don’t really cope with the present is because my brain goes so fast it’s already, physically, somewhere in the future.  Like the past is eight minutes old in my head, and I’m ‘beaming back’.
Going by that logic, you’d think I’d be able to predict the trouble I get into, but as with many things to do with time, perception and understanding the world, it’s an illusion.  I could talk about how I can see certain events coming with scary regularity, but that’s just because I expect the worst and am pleasantly surprised to encounter something that isn’t as bad as I could predict.
But…. I’m always having to think about ten steps ahead to make sure I fit everything in, and that’s probably been my downfall lately.  Yep, I know what I’m doing in ten steps time, but I’m at a difficult point in everything that I’m dealing with, and I can’t be ahead.  I need to be here.  it’s another of those things I suspect is to do with my mental health, I’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer and always more focussed on my future than what was going on around me – it’s part comfort.  And while I work very hard to ensure that my time is filled, if I’m not busy,  I back slide into daydreaming and becoming even less productive.  Not difficult right now, I’m barely doing anything, but that way also lies depression.
And that was the second epiphany – and why I quit from all of the groups I’m involved with, and I’m considering what my next – essential stages are.  It’s only temporarily.  And it’s not even ten more steps away.

Broken teeth, healing mind

Posted on by Kai
1

Since I was little, I’ve had problem teeth.  At eight or so, my dentist deciced that my mouth was too small for all of the teeth I had, and started pulling them.  I still ended up with a canine on one side that was almost fang like, until a dentist finally filed it back at 24 or so.  What it left me with though, was a horrible tooth behind it – one that was incredibly difficult to clean, and basically, ‘set the tone’ for all of the other teeth in my mouth.  Before that one cracked and broke in half, I never had one problem with my teeth – now, they’re all falling apart.

On Friday, I threw a bit of a hissy fit.  Like my teeth, everything I had planned was falling apart, being squished and squashed and cracked and killed off due to overcrowding.  And there’s one rotten ‘tooth’ in all of that stuff – in all of the things that I do, there’s one that causes too many problems – creates too much of a drain on my time, and most of all, is setting the tone for everything else that I do.
Though, it’s probably not what you’re thinking.
As a moderator on several groups, on yahell and Facebook – I seem to spend an *inordinate* amount of time on Facebook.  But that’s not even the problem.  It’s the ‘side slide’ from moderating, into games that’s my problem.

And I know why too.  A while ago, I stopped playing games at night.  I quit my World of Warcraft guild and left, and though I’ve dabbled around with games recommended to me since, I just haven’t settled – and, my laptop, which was once the centre of both my work and play, and a great way to ensure that if I was stressed, or needed a break, that the tools were at hand, has now become predominantly work.  And I feel kinda like the peons in Warcraft now.  Basically, the rotten tooth is my motivation and it’s warping everything around it, and aching with guilt and burnout and whatever else you want to call it.  I will, however, stop the metaphor there, because I know many people (myself included) dislike dentists ;)

Everything, bar the snatched time I spend playing games guiltily on Facebook, feels like it’s work.  Except, I noticed about a week ago, that I wasn’t snatching time to play, I was playing and snatching time to write.  I’d sit on Facebook, and respond to posts, and play Bejeweled, or Cooking Mama, or Farmville.  And I’d wonder where my day went, when I could be writing.  But even thinking that would lead to apathy.  Would lead to ‘game…wooo!’.
There’s no easy way to address this, other than to accept that this is my brain’s way of saying ‘more fun pleazthanxbai’.   And while my fiction writing is *supposed* to be fun, it’s not.  I’m enjoying editing and copywriting, but if I’m using that to fill the time at night, instead of doing it when I get up, then, there’s a problem.

So, the schedule changes again.  I work during the day – and cut myself off from Facebook and other sites.  I teach myself to blog in Word, and upload when I’m done (though, ideally, I’d like a program that lets me upload posts when I come back online, so I might look into that) and most of all, I don’t spend time on Facebook (please note, my iPad and iPhone don’t cut themselves off from Facebook – quite deliberately – it’s one of the few points of messaging a couple of friends have for me.  What I do tend to notice though is I can’t play games as easily on my phone/iPad.  Not the games I like anyway – and I do generally forget to check in on there as often as I try to on my laptop.

I’m not sure how long this is going to take – and for once, I’m not going ‘aha, plan!’.  I don’t have one.
I know I have copywriting, and editing, and three blogs to look after.  Beyond that – I haven’t decided yet, and don’t have a clue when that will change – or HOW.  I do know that I’m going to be selling *a lot* of my virtual real estate, and that’s probably going to be difficult, but ultimately, very good for me.  How I go about that is a bit of a mystery too, but I’ll work it out.

My single strand

Posted on by Kai
3
Kätzchen

Image via Wikipedia

Chris Brogan spoke about this yesterday, quite serendipitously, but I’ve been thinking about it – a lot – myself lately.  What’s the core of my being.  When I remove everything from around me that isn’t dependent on relationships, isn’t dependant on circumstance and isn’t dependant on expectation, what’s left for me?  And only me?

Removing ‘stuff’ first 

The single strand at the centre of my being isn’t my kids.  They are my world, but they don’t define me.  Just like I don’t define them.  Similarly, my relationships aren’t the single strand at the centre of me, though they are very important, and if we were looking at weaving something from the bits in the middle of me, they’d be one of the foundation threads.  I can’t do what I do without the support of the people around me.  But, if we’re looking at single strands, as defined by Chris, then it’s something internal, not external.

At first…
At first I thought it was blogging – after all – that’s who I am.  I blog.  Except, it’s not.  Not any more.  I spend more time copywriting than blogging writing by a factor of about ten to one.   It’s still a core of my  being, but it’s not *the* core.  It’s not the element at the center of me, as much as I wish it was.
And then, I looked into whether it was copywriting –  it’s my job and I’m very passionate about it – but again, that’s not me.  I kinda feel like a cat with a ball of string – I grapple with it, but I couldn’t see myself doing it as the only writing thing ever.  And while both fulfil a lot of the time I spend online, they’re not the only thing I do.

More recent developments

I’ve started editing – which makes me an editor officially now.  I’m about to finish my second contract (probably today or tomorrow) officially, and I’ve edited for places like Scribe and Quill and other sites for years now.   But again, it feels kinda like my job, not my career – not to mention, to make sure that I help people with their books, my prices are tiny right now. I still love it, but it’s not something that I’m entirely interested in doing for the rest of my life.
I’m passionate about many things – mental health being key among them – WordPress being another one.   It’s important to be passionate, but passion, those passions, aren’t my core.  They colour what I do though, and that’s cool.

Hobbies

So, is my single strand my hobbies?  Photography?  Knitting?  Cross Stitch?  Gaming?  But, if I go into those, when I find that I’m bored of them, or I’ve perfected them, or I can’t ‘do’ them for any reason, then that might mean that I give in and have no single strand.

And that, your honor, is when we uncovered the vital evidence

Writing is at the core of almost everything I do.  Even coding when you look at it is writing of some description – but my passion – at the core of my being is writing.  Be it fiction or non fiction, I’m passionate about *books* and linguistics, and writing and … and… and…

My single strand isn’t so much a strand – it’s a sentence.
I am a writer.

Weekly author spotlight

Posted on by Kai
Reply

(I’m part of a facebook group called ‘Indie Authors Unite‘ and we do a weekly facebook blog hop/swap – I’m a bit late this week, this was actually supposed to be last week, but when the laptop died, that kinda scuppered that!)

This week, I’d like to introduce Helmy Parlente Kusuma

Give me a two line description of your book
-Mementoes of Mai is the story of a man who reached an intersection and has to decide where to turn in order to have the love of his life.

Give me a two line description of you
-Helmy Kusuma is an ex-IT worker who has spent two decades typing on the keyboard when suddenly the egg of  inspiration fell on his lap.

What’s your favorite scene in your book?
-When the main character was in the middle of a bay shouting “Yeah!”

What did you find hardest?
-Rock, I guess…no, wait a minute, I believe diamond is the hardest.

How about the process – what did you think you were good at, and what did you struggle with?
-I am good at descripting something but still working on creating good dialogues.

If you could ask a fan one thing, what would it be?
-Would you buy my next book?

Who is your favorite author?
-Paulo Coelho

If you could meet any one person, who would it be, and where would you go for lunch?
-I would like to meet Jesus and have lunch at a mountain’s tip. I have always wanted to ask him “Do you like salmon or tuna better?”

Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?
-Buy my book or I would send the minions of darkness to rip your wallet, steal 99c and slap your face with my book.  Kidding. Seriously, please buy my book.

Smashwords  , Kindle US  , Kindle UK  , Kindle DE 

 

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta